I have a friend who I have grown up with all 23 years of my life. She acts shy around me, acting friendly and “buddy-buddy.” I have told her exactly how I feel about her. Why can’t she tell me exactly how she feels about me? She has her best friend do the talking for her when I am with her! What do I do?

First, let me say that I am no expert when it comes to relationships (although my single friends have thought the contrary solely because I’m married). Second, nothing good can come of turning this column into advice for the lovelorn.

So, any and all advice should be taken with a grain of salt (or sugar; it’s almost Valentine’s Day).

This friend is both shy and friendly at the same time. You wonder why she can’t be straightforward. Well, dear reader, if someone is shy, isn’t it practically impossible to be straightforward?

Perhaps the beauty of having known each other your entire life is also why she withholds her true feelings. After all, if your friendship were to become romance and that were to go awry, she could lose a lifelong friend. Who would want that?

I wish I could give you some amazing advice on how to help her come around. But when it comes to love, all the rules are thrown out the window. Nevertheless, let me give it a go.

Not having her best friend around when you see her is a good start.

Try this: Call her on the telephone. Keep your conversation light-hearted and brief. Rather than asking her how she feels about you (since she’s obviously not ready to do so), ask her questions — that require more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer — about what her day was like. Use these phone calls as an opportunity to get to know her on a deeper level. Asking her questions lets her see that you’re interested in her life and what she thinks. Hopefully, after a few phone calls you will find that her shyness diminishes.

My next suggestion is to use the epistolary form. In other words, write her letters. Don’t panic and wax romantic; just write her a short letter asking her something simple such as what her favorite part of the day was, with a request that she send you a response. These days, it’s rare that a person receives a letter or even greeting cards in the mail, so this could provide her with a unique and refreshing way to talk to you without the pressure of speaking and also have something tangible to hold onto. With any luck, she will learn to let her guard down.

You must be patient when it comes to matters of the heart. If all else fails, maybe she’s just not that into you.

What is Glad You Asked?

Glad You Asked attempts to answer readers’ questions. Do you have one for me? Don’t be shy! Send your questions to me at dmontanez@napanews.com or call me at 256-2224.