Talk is cheap, the saying goes, unless you’re Michael Crabtree.

As in, talking with his agent is getting very expensive, because the 49ers’ top draft pick is apparently getting the worst advice in pro sports history.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave or under a rock, you know Crabtree is the 49ers’ top draft pick, selected 10th overall in April.

Problem is, he still hasn’t signed a contract, meaning he has caught as many passes and collected as much money from San Francisco as you and I have so far this season.

That would be no catches and zero cents.

While living in that cave or under that rock, you also missed the fact that the 2009 campaign has started, and San Francisco is actually 2-0 on the young season after beating Seattle on Sunday.

That’s without Crabtree, thus creating the illusion the 49ers don’t necessarily need him.

Let’s check in with the 49ers who are actually playing for the team.

“I haven’t been worried about no Crabtree,” running back Frank Gore told the Associated Press before San Francisco’s season opener in Arizona.

“I’ve been thinking about my teammates who are here and trying to get a win on Sunday.”

(Note: Gore was so un-worried about Crabtree that he ran for 207 yards on 16 carries a week later against the Seahawks. Absolutely no Crabtree hangover whatsoever.)

OK, Grumpy Frank, let’s go over and ask a much friendlier guy — 49ers coach Mike Singletary.

“At this point, the whole Crabtree thing, it’s over there. I’m focused over here,” Mr. Happy Face told the AP a few days ago.

In Singletary’s weekly press conference on Monday, however, he repeatedly did not fall for any of those pesky, trapping, passive-aggressive media questions about not needing the former Texas Tech star.

“We need every football player that can help us win that’s supposed to be here, here,” Singletary said. “I think he’s a talented guy. Hopefully it works out that he gets here. If he doesn’t, I feel comfortable with what we have.”

So let me get this straight — the 49ers are NOT sitting in front of their lockers, eyes closed and hands folded, praying that Sir Michael graces them with his presence in order to salvage the lost season?

The main issue is — make sure you are sitting down for this — money, as in Crabtree and/or his agent, Eugene Parker, feels like he should be paid more like the players drafted in front of him.

Meaning, even though he was the 10th pick in the draft, he should have been drafted higher, so he should be paid more than the 49ers are offering — which is, curiously enough, more than the 11th pick got and not quite as much as the ninth pick.

See, the number 10 falls right in between 9 and 11 — it’s just that Crabtree/Parker thinks that they got drafted too low.

As the famous saying goes, we have reached an impasse.

“I think the thing is right now he has maybe too many people in his ear,” 49ers legend Jerry Rice told the AP before Sunday’s game.

Oh yeah, Jerry, what exactly do you know about playing wide receiver for the San Francisco 49ers, huh, pal?

“Pretty much you lose everything with the team, the chemistry,” Rice said.

“You need to be in training camp working out with those guys, sweating with those guys, putting those tough days in. This game is so fast and it’s such a fine-tuned game now that you just can’t skip (the) preseason, then come into the regular season and expect to play well.”

The latest episode to the Crab Fest came Monday, when the New York Jets were accused of tampering by the 49ers in an attempt to swing a deal for the wideout.

Oh yeah, like a Mark Sanchez-to-Michael Crabtree connection wouldn’t be entertaining, would it be, Jets fans?

Here’s the ridiculous part, directed, uh, directly to Crabtree and Parker.

Even if the 49ers wanted to cave in and sign Crabtree to the deal he’s seeking, they can’t.

It would set the worst precedent for contract negotiations in pro sports history, not only within the franchise, but for the entire league.

(Which is a moot point anyway, once they get a rookie salary cap like you’ve got currently in the NBA.)

Think about it. If the 49ers caved and gave Crabtree his top five money or whatever it is he/his agent is looking for, then in every draft after that, you would ALWAYS have one guy “pulling a Crabtree” and demanding what he “should” have gotten.

Bad, bad news.

Plus, he is 49ers property until midnight of the draft next year, meaning he can’t attend a combine or work out for any other team.

So, here’s what I would do if I were the 49ers:

• Call the Jets back.

“Uh, yeah, sorry about the tampering charges we filed against you. On second thought, you can have Crabtree. How about you give us four first-round picks?”

Click.

• After they hang up on you, call them back again.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right, four picks might be a little much. Here, how about this ... you know, Shaun Hill’s been playing pretty well so far, but our quarterback situation is still a little dicey for the future. How about we give you Michael Crabtree, and we’ll take, uh, Mark Sanchez?”

Click.

But that’s the point. Crabtree has no leverage whatsoever, especially as long as the 49ers keep winning.

Even if they go in the tank, they cannot make him a better offer.

There have been rumblings that Crabtree might sit out the season, but in the recent history of the league, it hasn’t exactly worked out well for guys like Mike Williams and Maurice Clarett to take a year off.

Different situations for different guys, but you know that NFL execs aren’t exactly ready to roll the dice on a player so rusty.

Let’s say he does sit out the year, but some teams don’t need a receiver, don’t want to take the gamble — or both — and he goes like 13th overall.

What would he do then? Hold out and demand 10th pick money?

The choice is obvious, Michael, and the time has come.

I’ll be your agent.

And the first thing I will tell you is, sign your contract, make things right with Singletary and your teammates, keep your mouth shut, make some catches, and try to win back some of the fans.

If you’re better than the 10th pick, prove it, and we’ll get you a monster contract next time.

Register sports editor Randy Johnson can be reached at rjohnson@napanews.com or 256-2222.