Oh Hailey, why, why, why?

I’ve found myself asking this a lot lately. Why did my 5-month-old yellow Lab mix have to chew on my phone, Bluetooth and car keys all in one day?

Why does she consistently chew on pens, even though they leak ink all over her white fur?

Why doesn’t she understand that I would rub her belly all day long, but that her gnawing on my hand takes the fun out of it for me?

And for the love of God, why doesn’t she understand that jumping on new people for 15 minutes when they come into the house is embarrassing?

That should be a dog-training command: “You’re embarrassing me!”

Upon hearing it, the dog should stop whatever it is doing immediately and look up angelically.

Sadly, that’s not a command she understands. She gets “sit,” “stay” and “lie down” (which morphs into “rub my belly”). She gets “be a lady” when I’m telling her to stop licking her private parts. (Peter refuses to use that command, however.)

Being a puppy parent is tough stuff.

The vet put Hailey under house arrest until just last week, due to the threat of a parvo infection. OK, so I didn’t want my dog exposed to a deadly disease, but without enough exercise she has been one loony toon of a dog.

She hasn’t quite figured out how to play catch yet. Every time I throw her a ball, she grabs it, then stows it under the porch as if it say: “Hey, I’ve figured this out. You throw it, I get it, bring it back to you and then you throw it again. No way. It’s easier for me just to keep it after the first time. Less work for me.”

Our first walk was a battle of wills. She pulled as though her life depended on it. So much freedom out there, so many things to see and smell. Her legs were literally splayed on the ground she was pulling so hard. She won that day.

By the fourth day, I was the top dog. She’s still a puppy, so she’ll chase anything that moves, but on a quiet street we do quite well.

For Peter and me, it has been harder to train the humans who interact with Hailey than it is to train her. She’s cute and fun, so everyone wants to let her jump and play and bite and lick. Yeah, it’s all cute now, but it won’t be when she’s 70 pounds. But just try convincing someone to ignore her for the first 10 minutes when they come into the house. Impossible.

Some things have improved. My flip-flops are safe, even when they are left out for days on end. The puppy biting has declined. Those big dog teeth are coming in and the little sharp suckers are falling out left and right.

Gone are the days of potty mistakes in the house. All bets are off, however, if a stranger enters the scene. The excitement is just too much for her. No foot is safe and it will become wet within seconds.

She now gets that chasing the cat every chance she gets isn’t cool, but she still tries every once in a while.

My favorite new habit of hers, by far, is the practice of sleeping in. Her initial early morning crying was just too much for me. Nine a.m. or later is a much more respectable time.

Peter and I have been in Australia and New Zealand for the last two weeks. I predict we’ll come back to a totally different dog. I hope she remembers us, and that at least some of those good habits are still winning out over the bad ones. If not, puppy school, here we come.

Girl on the Go appears every other week, alternating with Jennifer Huffman’s Surrendering to Motherhood. Contact Michelle at mchoat@napanews.com.