" A Thanksgiving Story

A few years ago, my sister’s new mother-in-law decided it was time that she, and not our mother, have everyone over for Thanksgiving. Our mother is an excellent cook, having taught cooking at the college level, and her Turkey-day dishes have always garnered her fame both inside and outside the family.

The mother-in-law was nonplussed. How could she, without years of training and hours in the kitchen garner the same goodwill with us? She’ll make Thanksgiving dinner! To ensure that she got full credit, our mother was not allowed to interfere in the kitchen.

We arrived around 2, spending the first few hours chatting and watching football. Hindsight being 20/20, we should have noticed the lack of wafting. There were no discernible traces of cinnamon, sweet potato, juicy turkey, or mashed potatoes. We heard noises in the kitchen, but no olfactory cues. Maybe their kitchen is different? Maybe it keeps all it’s treasures hidden? Unfortunately not.

At around 4, curious about the mother-in-law not asking for help, our mother ventured into the kitchen. As if it were Area 51, the mother-in-law said that everything was fine, and that there was nothing to see. Looking over to the oven, our mother noticed that the timer was running, but that the dials were straight up and down. The dial read ominously “OFF”. Thanksgiving was ruined. There would be no cinnamon, no sweet potato, no juicy turkey, nor any mashed potatoes.

We drove down the block to Boston Market and got some meager replacements. I don’t know if it will go down as our worst Thanksgiving when our family history is written, but it will be close. Needless to say, my sister was not married when the next Thanksgiving rolled around. "

" "Welcome to the Family"

My story began when I married my husband who comes from a family of 8 children. I love to cook so I wanted to have EVERYONE at our home for our first Thanksgiving as a married couple.

Everyone arrived early, things were going fine, all dishes were coming together at the same time.

Just as we were putting the final touches on the mashed potatos and gravy I hear this noise coming from the laundry room (off the kitchen). When I finally break free to see what was going on I find water backing up the washing machine pipe flooding the floor of the laundry room.

After further investigation we find that our kitchen sink is also backed up so no dishes were going to be cleaned at the end of this magnificent feast.

Long story short - never, EVER, put potato peels in your garbage disposal. Plumbers are very expensive on Thanksgiving Day! "

" “How NOT to Give Yourself Food Poisoning for Thanksgiving”

15 years ago, we moved to Napa, got married and bought a condo. We were excited to have Thanksgiving in our first home, and invited over my husband’s parents.

Our house needed work; Mr. Fix-It had lived there, and did some crazy stuff, like 70’s gold mirrors in the bathroom, speaker wire and newspaper for an outlet. The kitchen had wood floor, pink carpet, a bedroom ceiling fan, and an electric cook-top. There was an odd-little oven where a microwave would go.

I come from a big Italian family (my maiden name is Gumina)and cooking was in my blood. My dad was the chef, and I was his assistant while my mom came home from work, put her feet up, and had a glass of wine.

However, I hadn’t cooked a turkey before, but how hard can it be? Well, you need to follow directions, like cooking it 15 minutes for every pound of meat. I didn’t that first Thanksgiving. I cooked it until it looked brown on the outside. It was NOT done on the inside, it was pink! My in-laws were already sitting at the table. I was so embarrassed! I tried to slice off some pieces that weren’t too bad (they were still a bit pink) and put them in the microwave to zap them.

Well, turns out my in-laws were ok but I ended up the next day at Kaiser with food poisoning and an IV in my arm! I found out my husband’s family has a stomach of steel and I’ve got a tender one! Now, I know how to cook a turkey, and haven’t re-poisoned myself (yet!)! "

" So, a few years ago, my mother decided to have Thankgiving dinner at her house...now, she is not much of a chef, but she was going to do her darndest to try anyway.

So, we all sat around all day, enjoying football, snacking, drinking, enjoying each others company.

At about 4:30 PM, my mom takes out the turkey.. low and behold, it looks like a Griswald turkey.. no meat, all bone, when she put the knife in it, it was all air.

Well, after my family being disappointed and my dad calling the store complaining that they gave him a meatless turkey, grandpa came in and flipped the bird over. Turns out mom had cooked the turkey upside down!!

We still talk about that Thanksgiving and laugh about it. Funny thing is, it was the best turkey we ever had so now we always cook the turkey upside down, as thats where the juices flow to!

Have a great thanksgiving! "

" Great Stories everyone! Here is my contribution.

It was my first time cooking the big meal, so I was excited to have my small family over to enjoy it. Well I got up at 6am to grease the paper bag to cook the turkey in. I Grease the bag, get the turkey in and come to find out that the damn turkey didnt fit in my tiny oven!! At this point, I am freaking out cause I had about 10 people coming over in a mere 6-7 hours and I cant cook the damn turkey and it is 6am. So I cant just go knock on a neighbor's door to ask them to cook it for me till I can find an alternate oven to finish it. I brain-stormed this brilliant (at the time) idea that I would drop the rack in the oven to the bottom level and pop the already ready to go turkey in. I do so, it fits and I am estatic. So, about 2 hours into cooking just when my boyfriend and I are waking up all the way...we start to smell burning paper. I flip, he flips and we run into the kitchen. It was filled with smoke, pouring out of the oven!! We fling open the windows, doors and my boyfriend goes for the oven with a burst of hot smoke. I guess I didnt grease the bag enough and the paper bag caught fire!! So, in turn burning the outside of the turkey black and not even touching the stuffing of inside of the turkey. Needless to say, Turkey Day was ruined before it even really started! All before 9am on Thanksgiving Day!

My sister made a 'back up turkey' and Saved the Day!! "

" My wife and I had just bought our first house and finally it was our turn to do the Thanksgiving dinner for the family. My wife is a good cook, but with the entire family over, the pressure was begining to mount.
While sitting with the family watching the game on TV, I heard a shriek from the kitchen. I ran to see what was up, and there, hands to the side of her head and crying, was my wife. At her feet was the Thanksgiving turkey.
When she finally calmed down she excplained that as she was pulling the turkey out for a final basteing, she burned her hand and let go of the pan. The pan with nothing to hold it slid across the rack, out of the oven, bounced off the oven door, did a single flip and deposited the turkey on the floor.
I'm sure I've laughed harder in my life, but I really can't remember when. At that point my mother walked into the kitchen and, catching the mood, doubled over with laughter. Realizing that it wasn't the end of the world, my wife began laughing as well and we three shared a moment I'll never forget.
Mom said we could just put it back in the pan with no harm done. As we started to do that, my wife started crying again saying "his legs are gone." Mr. turkey had flipped over with legs underneath.
We kept the story from the rest of the family and we all ate with gusto.
While almost a tragedy, it turned into a Thanksgiving to remember. "

" All was well at my grandmother's house when the whole family gathered for a delicious Thanksgiving Dinner. All the generations were there drooling in anticipation over the wonderful turkey slightly cooling in the kitchen.

Coming from a large Irish family, there are always one or two who are little overfond of the drink. This Thanksgiving was no than any other holiday when the spirits flowed freely.

Finally it was time to carve and serve the turkey, oh joy! As my grandmother went to the kitchen to get the glorious turkey, she noticed that my Aunt and Uncle were no where to be found, they were not seated like the rest of us around the large dining room table. As she walked into the kitchen we all heard a shriek of surprize. When we all rushed to grandmother's side, we at first did not notice anything the matter. It was seconds later we noticed that the turkey platter had only a drumstick and wing, and the backdoor leading out of the kitchen stood wide open...

Auntie and Uncle infused with the spirits had decided to take the turkey to their own party, and snatched it on the run.

We still laugh about it to this day even though they are all long gone.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! "

" I was at work all till about 4 p.m and my mom was cooking the big feast and had the turkey in the oven from early that morning. the whole family came over and when we sat down to eat she open the oven and found out the oven
was'nt working, the turkey is raw so we stuck it in the microwave oven and it cooked it in some places and not in others, so we cut up and cook it some
more till it was done some of it was hard has a brick. oh well, something
always goes wrong every thanksgiving
from the burnt rolls or the yams catching on fire. but at least we are
together. I wonder what will happen this year? who knows!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE "

" I was twenty five years old. My parents were out of town and I decided to take their place and cook a Thanksgiving meal for the first time to prove that I had indeed merged with the adult world. My grandparents, aunt, uncle and all of my siblings and their spouses arrived. Everything was going along as planned until the electronic wiring of the gas stove malfunctioned. Three foot high flames began shooting out and smoke accumulated in the kitchen. My grandpa was an old man and I will never forget the look on his face when he was told to evacuate. For a fleeting moment he was caught between wanting to help and an instinct to survive. He chose the latter and was the first to exit!

My husband extinguished the flames with baking soda but the smell of burnt plastic lingered. Surprisingly, the turkey and potatoes were fully cooked. The vegetables were slightly undercooked in a healthy way.

Family members were not interacting with each other as usual, though. Flow of conversation was interrupted by constant surveillance of the surrounding area. My relatives wanted pie served right away and they politely came up with excuses to leave as soon as possible. That was the shortest family gathering ever.

Building up the courage to host Thanksgiving dinner took another twelve years. Somehow little footprints of spilled pumpkin pie slowly disappearing at the entrance of a child’s bedroom seemed insignificant by comparison! The opportunity for perspective is the giving I continue to be thankful for. "

" Twenty years ago this Thanksgiving was the first major holiday away from my East Coast family. I was newly in love with a guy named Tom and decided I would cook my first turkey in my apartment in San Francisco. Needless to say I was nervous about this endeavor and he and I started "cooking" early in the morning. I remember being on the phone constantly with my mom and dad asking them what to do next. To calm our nerves, we both decided to open a bottle of wine and proceeded to follow my parents directions of taking out the gizzards, rinsing out the cavity, stuffing the bird with our famous Italian Sausage family stuffing, yada, yada, yada. As we continued to cook, drink wine, fall more in love, the fated time to take the bird out of the oven had arrived. Just as this was happening, our friends were anxiously buzzing my apartment door so they could join the festivities. I remember my anxiety kick in at this point and as I went to answer the door, I asked Tom to take the bird out of the oven and pull the stuffing out. Just as I was about to open the door, he yells, "WAIT!...Come here!!! Now!!!" I quickly go back into the kitchen and there Tom is standing... a look of total shock on his face, with the wooden spoon coming out of the cavity of my first turkey.....slowly....he pulls out the spoon and nestled in the middle of the stuffing is ....(See Part II)!! "

" Part II

is my quartz watch blown up in a million pieces!!!!!! As we enjoyed our wine and stuffed our bird, it seems as if my watch fell off my wrist and I unknowingly stuffed it back into the turkey and cooked it for 6 hours!! We laughed so hard we fell to the floor....friends pounding on the door wanting to come in...we just laughed our hearts out as we picked pieces of glass, leather, and metal "hands" out of the stuffing.

This Thanksgiving will be our 20th holiday together.....the last 13 have been in Napa with our 2 daughters. "

" One year my wife and I invited a bunch of the Japanese students from JAL to our home for Thanksgiving dinner....

It came out perfect, buffet style... A few acted brave and tried a bite or two, others didn't know what mashed potatoes were... They all declared that they didn't "like it", because they weren't "used to it"....

Sooo... I dug some steaks out of the freezer, nuked some potatoes, and grilled steaks for them on the deck...IN THE RAIN... They were happy then.....

We had leftovers for a week... Grrrrrr..... "

" Last year we went camping with our Aunt Helen and Uncle Jessie from Clovis. We went to 49er RV park in Jackson. Weather was ok but VERY cold. We had a spagetti sauce cookoff with 8 other people we were camping with. After dinner that night my boss from Copia at the time called and told me a coworkers son had passed away.(I've been since laid off and my former boss has moved on to work in SF) My wife and I packed up our trailer and came home the next morning so I could go back to work by 1 pm that afternoon. Every one was obviously devestated. My coworker was out for about a month dealing with this family tragedy. My coworker is still working at Copia but obviously with all the news about that institution his family's situation is very precarious. We all need to remember how fortunate we are to have our health and families especially at this time and to pray for those that do unfortunately suffer tragedy. "

" In the 1950's, back in northern New Jersey, our Italian Thanksgiving Feast consisted of a traditional turkey meal. A side of a Sicilian dish from the "old country" called "cardoons" was created by my Grandmother, Marietta. Cardoons resemble an artichoke stalk. The stalk is sectioned boiled and then and fried in olive oil after being coated with seasoned breadcrumbs and parmasano cheese.

I tried to recreate the recipe from memory on a Thanksgiving day in 1982. Finding cardoons was not easy but one store did carry it and still does for that matter, Vallergra's.

I began cleaning off the cardoon stalks like grandma did and putting the tougher stringier pieces down the garbage disposal. That was a big mistake!

My sink was clogged big time and my household plunger, drano, screwdrivers, plyers and anything else I tried was to no avail. A big sea of green gunk was floating in my sink and not going anywhere.

Have you ever tried to get a plumber to come out on Thanksgiving? After 15 or so answering machines I was answered by Mr. Plumber himself. He and his son agree to come out and "snake the sink". An hour later the sink was back in operation and my wallet was $250 lighter.

Dear Mr. Vallergra: please put a warning sign on your "cardoons".

George Rothwell
224 9202 "

" My husband and I planned a nice dinner several years ago for the 2 of us. I got the china out, started roasting 2 Cornish game hens thinking we had nowhere to go. We cooked all day, had a few drinks, not knowing that my family would call at the last minute while the hens were roasting, saying to come visit. We quickly put all the sides in the fridge, turned the oven down, and hailed a cab to my family’s house. We had a wonderful time with them, and of course the wine flowed freely. We taxied home and closed up the house, including me turning off the oven and putting china away. We were stuffed and didn’t eat any of our creations that night.

That November was unusually warm, like this one. So I didn’t need to use the oven for a few days. After 2-3 days there was a strange smell in the kitchen. I couldn’t figure it out, the garbage was empty. I went to put bread in the oven on the fourth day and there it was, the hens were still in the oven! Crawling with maggots! I screamed, called him at work in a panic, and he said to turn the oven on and roast them. I did, while spraying Febreze around the kitchen. I finally turned the oven off and let it cool, then while holding a dishcloth over my face, dumped it all in our trash bin, sheet pan and all. There was no way I was going to reuse that pan!

So while we had a great Thanksgiving on the actual day, who says you can’t still have a Thanksgiving dinner disaster four days later! We still laugh about it this time of year. "

" It was 1964. All of the family was gathered for the feast. Everything was going very well. The smell of the turkey filled the air along with the smell of those wonderful pumpkin pies. The table was being set I watched as my sister got the potatoes ready for mashing. This was the final step before the dinner was ready. I watched with drooling anticipation as my sister put the butter in the bowl and started beating the potatoes. I was mesnerized as the beaters went round and round. All of a sudden the bowl of potatoes starting turning RED. My sister hd caught her finger in the beaters and th blood was pouring. This was the same sister that always put ketchup on her mash potatoes. Yuuck. I started scraming right away as dd my sister. The shock of watching the whole affair unfold put me in such a shock that my father had to slap me in the face like they do when a soldier is breaking down. After a few stitches and some calming down we went ahead with the Thanksgiving dinner, minus of course, the MASH POTATOES! "

" My wife and I were invited to her sister's house for Thanksgiving. The brother in law wanted to use his new oil turkey cooker. We set it up in the backyard, away from the house, on the patio. We started the propane burner and after 20 minutes the oil was hot. He drops the turkey in the hot oil. Then suddenly the hot oil flows over the top, catches on fire and heads towards the fence. We were shocked. Instantly the grass catches on fire, then the fence goes up in flames. Not, just one section the hole side goes up in matter of minutes. In the mean time, the turkey is frying real good. now. We could not pull the turkey out due to the raging fire around it. The neighbor's calls the Air Force base Fire Department as they lived on base. They arrive in mass. Not one Fire truck but several. Shortly, after the fire department arrive, the police and the Wing Commander shows up. Besides burning the turkey to a crisp, my brother in law had to report to the Wing Commander office, Monday morning in full blues, along with his First Sargent, his Commmander, his section's Officer in Charge and his immediate supervisor. This was to explain "How he had a fire in Base Housing. Prior to the meeting, he read the instructions "Do NOT fill (oil) pass this line. We still laugh to this day about it. I usually bring a fire extinguisher with me and stand guard. "

" Many years ago, when the boys were all small....we lived on a small 15 acre ranch outside of town. Along with raising the boys in the big wide open, we also raised livestock. It was Great! The boys learned responsibility, and we got a lot of good eats out of it. The first year they raised the Turkeys they named one Thanksgiving and One Christmas.they had a little bit of an issue with the home grown birds...until they ate them ofcorse, then all was good. One year, we invited out "city" family out to the ranch for Thanksgiving Dinner. This is the year that "Harold" was destined for the oven ....
Every one knew that we raised our own meat...and were sort of O.K. with it. Everyone but Rachel......She was about 13 at the time and trying to be really brave about eating someone that had been running around our yard. All seemed well..for the moment. We were all sitting around the table with this fabulous feast in front of us....and Rachel trying to pick around her plate.....she did manage a bite of "Harold".......when my Cute little boy (10) says, "So hey Rachel...how does Harold taste?"
That did it! Poor Rachel turned pale....her little cheeks bulged out.....she grabbed the table cloth to cover her mouth and ran for the back door! Yes...the table cloth! Food and broken dishes everywhere......My son rolling on the floor laughing...Rachel barfing off the back porch.....What else could we do? So we laughed too and cleaned up hte mess. To this day Rachel will not have Thanksgiving at our house. "

" my worst thanksgiving was driving past my dads house with my son and seeing that everybody in my family was there but us and we were n't welcome. We picked up some lunch meat and went home. "

" A HUMOROUS THANKSGIVING

To begin, two things you must know. I am a vegetarian and I am not a very religious person, in practice.

Thanksgiving, 2003, was to be different. My son, David, informed me that two of his friends from the UK, Mike and Vicky, would be joining us for Thanksgiving dinner; their first Thanksgiving experience. I decided, in honor of their first Thanksgiving, to forgo my foodie ways and cook a turkey with all of the trimmings.

David, in the mean time, informed his friends that I was a vegetarian, so would not be serving a turkey, but in all other ways they would experience a festive Thanksgiving holiday and dinner.

The day arrived along with my son and our guests. As we seated ourselves for dinner, one of our guests handed me a card. Thanking her, I opened it to find a beautifully decorated, religious, Thanksgiving card. I thought to myself, “My guests are religious so we must say grace.” I handed the card to my husband and as he read it, I asked, “Would you say grace, please?” Bless his heart; on the spot, he managed quite a beautiful grace.

Following the dinner, my son pulled me aside and said, “Mom that was so hilarious that I had trouble controlling my laughter during grace, it was a perfect "Seinfeld." He continued, "Mike and Vicky are not religious at all. They, knowing that you are a vegetarian, did not want to offend you with a card that had a turkey on it, and a religious card was the only other Thanksgiving card they could find. You, in turn, not wanting to offend them, said grace." "

" I wanted to do a traditional stuffed turkey so I decided to bake the bread for the stuffing from scratch.
I had just pulled it out of the oven and walked into the living room when I noticed a terrible, burning-plastic-like odor.
I asked my room mate about it and she informed me that she couldn't find the TV remote and thought she tossed it into the fireplace by accident.
Well, I found the remote under a blanket, but still, there was this noxious smell.
We walked down the hall, and the bedrooms were filled with smoke that made us gag and cough.
I called the business line of the fire department and said (really) 'my house is filled with smoke, but I don't see flames. What should I do?' (I know, not the sharpest tool in the shed...).
The nice lady practically screamed, "GET OUT OF THERE!!"
We bundled up and waited on the front porch.
NINE firefighting vehicles responded, sirens ablazin'.
The Chief ran into our house, turned around and stated, 'Hmm. Smells like fresh baked bread."
I pointed out the back hallway, and he laughed and went to check it out.
Turns out the insulation in the wall had caught fire from a short in the wall heater. Had I not stayed up late to bake bread, we would likely have died from the poisonous smoke.

OK, so the dinner was a disaster, but we lived! And we still laugh about it! "

" Thanksgiving, 1977 – Napa, CA

I was getting a little nervous. My family and I were enjoying the crisp November morning, getting up late, meeting friends for breakfast, meandering through the Thanksgiving Day. Mid-day, after someone asked if we had begun to roast our turkey, I grabbed our group and headed for the market to buy one! By late afternoon, purchases made, the preparations started in earnest. Painstakingly injecting the huge bird with oil, trussing his legs, and jamming in the stuffing, we turned on the oven. We returned to family fun, not noticing that time had passed, and no delicious smells were wafting through the kitchen. I opened the pristine oven, and was shocked to find Mr. Tom in his original state. Not a hint of warmth inside the door.

By this time we were ravenous. Darkness descended upon Napa, and our oven was defunct. The good humor of the group turned to snappy, annoyed repartee. Tempers were ignited. We dragged out the camp stove, cooked some string beans and cans of soup, which overflowed all over the stove and floor. Mr. Tom did not get cooked on Thanksgiving Day, 1977.

Napa Register headlines on Friday: thousands of starlings, nesting on power lines, flew off at the same time, snapping the wires. Hundreds of homes were without power on Thanksgiving…

Moral of story: Cook your turkey early…and have a backup plan. "

" Great Stories!

I personally like SpecEd Teacher's and JMB's.... "

" while visiting with my son and daughter-in-law in Florida , I rashly volunteered to do the turkey dinner for about 15 people. Upon a brief inventory of avilable pots, pans, and utensils, I discovered to my horror that they had virtually no cooking erquipment other than an electric frying pan and the stove itself. I purchased one of those heavy aluminum pans and decided to put the turkey, potatoes and the veggies in together. a master stroke of genius, I thought. I put all this in the oven and pulled it out frequently for basting, thus eroding the pan and until the entire kit and caboodle ended up in the bottom of a rusty oven through the erosion hole.. Everyone sat around waiting impatiently for dinner. Out to the store, I flee. New pan purchased and turkey restarted. Now two hours late, I decided to display my bravado and take a shower before the main event. In the shower, the, sliding glass door decided it had hung there long enough on a damaged runner and fell inward on top of me. I could not move. I shouted. they were all partying and no one heard. I finally got their attention and the men trouped up to see what emergency required that amount of noise. There I oay in all my pulchritudinous glory, wishing the world would swallow me and everything around me, up. After all the hoopla, the dinner was finally enjoyed, a little worse for wear. They especially enjoyed the dessert. No cooking involved! "

" I thought a poetic version would be more interesting!

The Vanishing Pie

Twas the Night before Thanksgiving,
When all was so fair.
The whole house smelled,
of a fresh pie scent in the air.

Just out of the oven,
sat this special dessert.
Cooling in the kitchen,
while in back we did some work.

Then all of a sudden,
Dashing into the room.
Came one of our dogs,
on his face the look of doom!

Up we stood,
hurrying along,
Towards the kitchen,
to see what was wrong

Before our eyes,
was a sight to see!
Paws on the counter,
What could this be!

The other dog had eaten,
every last bite.
The wonderful pie,
had vanished into the night! "

" Early on my husband and I created our own holiday traditions. One year we invited a couple from my husband’s work to join the first “Thanksgiving of our own.” The menu: Turkey with all the trimmings.
Pop-up timers embedded in the turkey hadn’t been invented yet and my mother never used meat thermometers. She plucked pin feathers the night before. The next day set the temperature and counted out the hours until the bird was cooked to perfection. Surely I could do the same. I’d watched from the kitchen door since I could remember.
Thanksgiving day when our guests arrived, the aroma of a perfect turkey roasting filled the house. At the planned time I pulled the bird from the oven to wait while I assembled the rest of our dinner.
My husband flourished the carving knife and began to slice. Instead of admiring ohhs and ahhs there was total silence. The turkey wasn't done. With apologies I shoved the failure back in the oven. An hour later we sat down to a deflated feast. The Thanksgiving candles had burned down to nubs and the dressing was dry. But the turkey was cooked. I wanted to cry. After a slice of pumpkin pie we said goodnight.
As our guests left, the man leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Thanks for a great Thanksgiving. It was just like home. My mom can’t cook turkey either.”
Now, fifty years and two times that number of roast turkey dinners later, even armed with pop-up timer and meat thermometer, I still keep my fingers crossed when my husband’s knife pierces the turkey breast. "

" Fifty years ago my husband came out here from Louisiana and got a job at the State Hosp.Six weeks later he sent for me and our 2year old son.. He had just started to work there and hadn't gotten a paycheck. He could get a "meal ticket " for ,,I think .50 cents so he ate at work and my son and I had fried potatoes for Thanksgiving !! My son doesn't remember that and the memory only makes me more thankful each time we sit down to a Thanksgiving feast with family and friends ..HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!! "

" In 1987 I was a newly married 25 year-old and eager to build my happy home. My husband and I had invited friends to join us in our tiny bungalow near downtown San Diego. He and I teamed up, with him taking the side dishes and me in charge of the turkey. His mother is an excellent cook and he knew how he liked his food prepared. My early culinary life, on the other-hand, was lacking. But I felt I was sufficiently armed with a recipe, confidence and a heart filled with love.

The turkey was thawed, cleaned and prepped. The turkey was doused with herbs and placed into the oven. It was all going exactly as planned. Now all we had to do was be patient while it cooked. We closed the kitchen pocket door and joined our friends in the living room to watch the game.

Well, I guess that my stunted sense for cooking allowed me to linger on the couch much longer than I should have……. By the time anyone smelled the smoke it was much too late. I slammed open the kitchen door to see that the room was filled with thick smoke. Smoke was pouring out of every crevice in the oven. I opened the oven door (not smart – I know – but my desire for a beautiful, happy First Thanskgiving Meal made me lose my senses) I pulled the rack out to find that my precious home-building, friend-bonding, love-gift turkey was in flames. Really.! It was on fire. There were actual flames coming off of the top of the bird.

There are photos somewhere of that half charred, half raw love-bomb in a smoke filled, but sun lit kitchen. We went out for dinner. "

" This is about my dad. We were at my parents for Thanksgiving. My dad was going to spray some Pam on the skin of the turkey, so that it would continue to get nice and brown. He grabbed a bottle of spray from the counter without looking at it. I realized what had happened and questioned what he had done. Their was a can of hairspray on the kitchen counter...who knows why. He had sprayed the turkey with hairspray!!! The turkey got a rinse down, none the less. It gives new meaning to the term "a good looking bird"! He got razzed for a while about that one. I, actually, felt pretty embarresed for him and was nice. Moral of the story...do not do your hair in the kitchen...or...pay attention to what your sprayn'. "

" I think surfdogge69 wins---he can pass on the Thanksgiving good cheer to the person who still works at Copia. Maybe together they can build better holiday memories. "

" I've learned a lot from everybody's stories. Here's a summary of Thanksgiving rules to live by:

Ten Rules for a Happy Thanksgiving:

1. Never put potato peels in the garbage disposal.

2. Do not fry a turkey next to a wooden fence.

3. Invest in a meat thermometer and learn how to use it

4. Don't forget to turn on the oven.

5. Do not overserve your aunt and uncle.

6. Remove all watches, jewelry and other loose items before stuffing turkey.

7. Keep dogs away from pies.

8. Do not shower before dinner.

9. Do not serve anything to your guests which previously has had a name.

10. Relax and have a good time. Maybe next year somebody will cook for you. "

" Hilarious! My Saturday at work is officially better due to the muffled chuckles I let out between customers. I think Harold wins, but I also enjoyed the "rules" list at the end! Too funny! "

" In 1999, our second Thanksgiving together, we hosted dinner for 8 of our friends. My partner Mike organized and cooked what looked like a fantastic feast of Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, green beans and gravy. My sole responsibility was to prepare the cranberries - pretty simple, right? All of his work was done, with the turkey resting on the counter, the dressing, potatoes and gravy all warming on the stovetop in their respective pots. My job was to boil water, add sugar and cranberries and voila - cranberry sauce. My only problem, we had no more pots available as all the other savory dishes were occupying them. No problem, I found a Pyrex casserole dish, filled it with water and began boiling the water. With the water at a steady boil, sugar was added along with cranberries - all is humming along just fine. Did I say humming? A strange hissing sound started to emanate from the syrupy concoction. Mike questioned the noise but I just chalked it up to the cranberries expanding in the boiling water - after all what else could it be? I have a Pyrex casserole dish rated for oven use....oops "OVEN USE" not stove top use. BANG! The sound of exploding glass as the resulting schrapnel lodges itself in the turkey, dressing, potatoes and gravy. Boiling molten sugar water cascades across the stove creating a crimson waterfall onto the kitchen floor. In an instant, the beautiful feast was rendered inedible, our stove ruined, and our kitchen floor looked as if a grisly crime had just occurred. Thank God it was just cranberry sauce. Given the magnitude of my transgression, it's a miracle real blood wasn't spilled. "

" My entire family is vegetarian. My parents raised my brother and sister and me to be vegetarians, and none of us have ever regretted that we don’t eat meat. One Thanksgiving, though, my mother decided we should try something we’d never eaten before—a Tofurkey. For those who you who don’t know, it’s a tofu-based turkey substitute, and the one my mom decided to get also came with pre-made stuffing already inside. She cooked it exactly according to the directions on the package, and that evening we sat down to a delicious dinner—along with the oval-shaped tan lump that represented the “turkey” portion of our meal. My mom cautioned us to only take what we could eat—we could always get seconds if we wanted more. We all piled our plates with food, including generous helpings of Tofurkey, and set in to eat. Less than five minutes later, a strange hush fell over the table. There were five identical looks of abject horror around the table. Finally, my mom said it. “It’s the Tofurkey, isn’t it?” Four grim nods from all of us, and though no one said anything else, we all tacitly agreed that the fake turkey was truly the most foul substance any of us had ever dared to put in our mouths. My mom cleared it off the table and off our plates immediately, scraping it into a dish for the dogs—both of whom took one sniff and refused even to try it.

Needless to say, we don’t bother with fake meat at Thanksgiving dinner anymore. "

" Every year my grandmother and I whisper among ourselves “At least it can’t be worse than last year” and every year we seem to be surprised when it is. From an unruly long distant relative unexpectedly showing up to tacos at Sizzler every year the story gets better (I mean worse).

On Wednesday the last carload finally arrived from out of state. That first night was like your typical family gathering. The little kids were chasing each other around the house while the teenagers were locked in a bedroom. The adults gathered around the kitchen table and a bottle of wine bring each other up to date on their lives.

Late that night the house is filled with the horrible cries of a child and the calming efforts of a tired father. It seems that my youngest cousin did not in fact suffer from car sickness, she had brought with her the flu. Into the early morning hours as grandma was prepping the turkey she was met with a few looks of disgust passing through the kitchen. Apparently it was highly contagious.

Throughout the day and well into the night 12 out of 15 poor family members tried to share two bathrooms. Most of us tried to sit through some mash potatoes or at least some conversation at the table with some ginger ale but without a doubt this had to be the worst Thanksgiving EVER. The next day two more were stricken with the bug and we all glared at the father that had brought it with him. Not only for bringing it but somehow he had also managed to avoid it. At least until they were halfway home and had to get a room because he was too sick to drive. "

" The extended family was together from all over the state to share this Thanksgiving on Old Toll Road in Calistoga at the home of my sister-in-law. Things were in order. It would be a grand and elegant event. The turkey was roasting to perfection. The house had that warm, savory character to it that we recognize from Thanksgivings past. It was time to start peeling potatoes. I began the task - 15 pounds at least. Eventually, they were done. I asked Darlene what she would like me to do with the peelings. She said, "Just put them down the disposer." I told her my disposer didn't like potato peelings. She said not to worry - her disposer was brand new and it would be fine. Cautiously, I began. Soon the disposer sounded different. Mucky water began backing up. Darlene came to help. She would make it work. Back-up increased. No problem. Get the Plumber's Friend. He was employed vigorously. Things seemed to improve. Keep the water on high, put more peelings down, and give a few pushes with "The Friend". We were nearing the end of the peeling pile when I noticed my feet were in something wet. It was oozing from under the sink. Now under this sink, instead of the usual cupboard, there was a huge wooden drawer that seemed to be built in around the plumbing and could not be removed. It was overflowing everywhere. The landlord was in Norway.

Now it was time to enlist more capable hands to pitch in. We bailed, hauled, flushed, dumped, mopped, wiped, and scrubbed. I don't remember the eating "

" Pharper, (or "farper" as I think of you when reading the blogs) your response to this shows that you can write humorous comments as well as those that are more serious and well-researched. I actually laughed out loud. Please keep writing.

As for the others revealing sometimes embarassing stories, thank you. It is fun to see that everyone has kitchen debacles but that life goes on. For that, I give thanks. "

" Thanks to everyone who participated in our first-ever Thanksgiving Dinner Disaster story contest, sponsored by Vallerga's Markets in Napa.
We have selected the five finalists, now it is time for you to select the overall winner of the $100 gift certificate to Vallerga's.
Go to the homepage and check out the finalists, then vote in the online poll for your favorite.
Thanks again for all the great stories.
--Dan "