Surrendering to motherhood
Resistance is futile
By Jennifer Huffman
November 16th, 2009
November 4th, 2009
November 2nd, 2009
October 19th, 2009
October 5th, 2009
November 6th, 2009
October 13th, 2009
October 12th, 2009
September 24th, 2009
September 8th, 2009
As a mom to three girls ages 8, 11 and 14, I find myself dashing through life like an endurance event — an Olympic decathlon 24/7, 365 days a year. It’s a daily race over hurdles and obstacles, often ending by collapsing on the couch sometime after 9 p.m.
But there’s one thing I could do that would make my life so much easier.
Surrender to motherhood.
If I surrendered to motherhood, my family would be the ever-so-grateful recipients of 100 percent of my time and attention. Like the genie from “Aladdin,” their wish would be my command.
There would be no conflicts if I surrendered to motherhood, because I would have endless patience and energy to spare.
My children would bask in my devotion and my husband would probably appreciate some extra love, too. Even the dog would benefit from some one-on-one time.
I could be Supermom.
Need a batch of homemade cookies made last minute before a school event? No problem. Sixth-grade Room Mom? Sign me up. Wake up daily at 5:30 a.m. to make hot breakfast for five? Call me Julia Child Huffman.
If I surrendered to motherhood, I wouldn’t want to have this job at the newspaper. I’d stay home. All the chores and errands I normally cram into the end of the day would be leisurely accomplished while the little darlings are away at school.
Clothes would be perfectly ironed. The exploding closet upstairs would be neatly organized with labeled bins for each type of toy. School photos from the current year would be properly framed and displayed. I could finally figure out a window treatment for that odd-sized window in our bedroom. I might get back onto that treadmill. Or not.
Oh, the projects I would cross off my list, check, check, check!
Yet I resist surrendering completely to motherhood. Between homework, laundry, dinner, school lunches and volleyball games, I still want time for me.
Time to read a good book or trashy magazine, time to e-mail a friend or scrapbook. Quiet time. Time to just think. Time to daydream.
All the parenting magazines say the same thing. Mom needs to make time for Mom. Well, it’s a lot easier to write it than to live it. By nature, we are the caregivers, the nurturers, the motherers. We ought not do it. We can’t help ourselves. Our lives are one big traffic light permanently set on green for go.
Yet I know what I signed up for. These kids were no accident. There was a plan, and it’s called a family.
People to build a life around, and love and cherish, no matter how mad they make you or how much they talk back to you.
It’s about saying goodnight with a kiss and good morning with a hug. It’s cheering them on at that volleyball game, even when the ball doesn’t make it over the net, taking their pictures in the exact same spot on the first day of every school year, and even writing a column about them.
Which explains the title at the top of this column.
If I can pull it off and my family can put up with it, this column will provide a glimpse into the here and now of family life and how at least one mom puts family first, but tries not to leave herself behind.
It wasn’t easy getting here. Like talks between five superpowers, negotiations began and compromises were agreed upon. There are some ground rules.
If any of said family members, including the grownups, gets kicked out of school, arrested or does anything else really stupid, I’ll probably have to leave that part out.
Gratuitous quoting of certain teenage children will be avoided. I won’t intentionally humiliate or rub salt in any wounds. I’ll avoid naming names when I can.
For the record, my column will be by no means a complete picture of the family. In the interest of space and well, interest, I’ll excerpt, edit, condense and otherwise mangle our happenings to fit into this space.
I don’t expect writing this column will be easy. It may not even be fun. I don’t know — I’ve never done this before. (And after drafting my first few columns, I’m telling you Kevin Courtney makes it look a lot easier than it is.)
Come to think of it, this column could be one big flop. Maybe only five of you will read it, and the Register online commentators could descend on it as though it were prey.
So in advance, I apologize to Don, Annabelle, Allie and Ava. I hope I don’t embarrass you or cause any unfortunate nicknames to be earned. Thank you, my dear family, for indulging me. I love you and would do anything for you. I give you almost everything of myself.
In the end, I surrender, but I don’t give up.
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DHuffman wrote on Oct 6, 2008 10:58 AM:
NVR-Diane Montanez wrote on Oct 6, 2008 11:53 AM:
kevin wrote on Oct 6, 2008 11:58 AM:
winemd wrote on Oct 6, 2008 12:08 PM:
GerryKP wrote on Oct 6, 2008 1:40 PM:
that they can sign up for and share with friends and family and the general public. But lucky for us, we get to see Jennifer's article in the Napa Valley Register every week! "
Loveone wrote on Oct 6, 2008 4:26 PM:
hoozcryinow wrote on Oct 6, 2008 4:39 PM:
Jennifer, fine job and that's coming from someone who is just wrapping up their career as a working mother. With my youngest having just turned 18 and my oldest being 28, my title is soon to be shortened from 'working mom' to just 'working'. NOW is when one get's all the ME time one wants, but guess what? I don't want it anymore!!! "
winemd wrote on Oct 6, 2008 4:51 PM:
Maya wrote on Oct 6, 2008 5:19 PM:
mamyt wrote on Oct 6, 2008 6:24 PM:
tcrandellgarza wrote on Oct 6, 2008 9:34 PM:
imyourneighbor wrote on Oct 6, 2008 11:30 PM:
Good luck. My partner and I are eager to have a family soon. So your advice will be one that I am listening to. :) "
3kids wrote on Oct 7, 2008 6:22 AM:
Maya wrote on Oct 7, 2008 7:04 AM:
winemd wrote on Oct 7, 2008 12:55 PM:
i like 3kids comment about a forum for sharing our strategies, successes, and asking for input. Many of us have come up with some really creative methods, I am sure.
On a side note, I don't like the terminology of stay at home vs. working mothers; maybe working in the home vs. out of the home. But then you have those who have an "outside" job working at home. Very confusing. And I hate the "mommy wars". If we listen to each other, we have more in common than we do different. I think we waste a lot of time if we argue about which is better or stereotyping the "other" way. Each family is different and each individual has to make the best choice they can. Luckily, most of the time, we can change if the needs/circumstances arise. "
NVR-Dan Ross wrote on Oct 7, 2008 1:00 PM:
If you have ideas for the MomsTalk Forum, send them to me at dross@napanews.com, or to Jennifer at jhuffman@napanews.com "