I’ve been asked by several of my younger friends to write about the difficulties they are beginning to have with their parents who, as they get older and need more assistance, become very stubborn and difficult.

Since I’m an elder, I explain to them how it is from our side of the fence. Our independence is sacred to us. Once we feel that’s being threatened, it frightens us and we go into fight mode. There’s no question that our children love us and are only thinking of what’s best for us, but we’re not ready for this role-reversal business and we fight it. We don’t want any part of it.

Yet I promised my younger friends that I would share some of the frustrations they are experiencing and the worry that their aging parents aren’t using good judgment and are putting their lives in danger.

The most dramatic story told to me was about my friend’s mother, who is starting to experience a loss of balance and finds herself falling often. Her daughter has suggested a walker so that she will be steadied with something sturdy to hold onto, but her mother refuses, saying that when she gets old she’ll think about it. Of course this logic frightens her daughter very much. She feels quite certain that it will only be a matter of time before her mother seriously injures herself.

In this case, the mother is certainly being both stubborn and foolish. One wonders at what point one stops using good, common sense.

Her mother needs a walker, no question. But she refuses to even think about it. In this case, I’ve got to give this one to the daughter. She can’t force her mother to use a walker and must stand by and just wait for the inevitable to happen.

I’m sure we all agree that this is not a wise decision on the mother’s side. I wonder if, as we get older, we revert to a child’s ways. Remember when we were young and wouldn’t listen to our parents? We’d listen to just about everybody else, but not our parents. Maybe we’re having a role reversal here and the parents refuse to listen to their children. Possibly she would listen to her doctor, minister or one of her peers. I’m sure we all wish my friend and her mother good luck in finding a workable solution.

Stubbornness works for us in some instances, but it can get in the way of using good judgment, too. The time comes when we must admit that we can’t do all the things we used to be able to do. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t keep on being active. As a matter of fact, it’s extremely important to walk. Even if we use a walker, it’s vital to keep using our muscles and keep our strength up by walking and lifting light weights.

If we stop using our muscles and joints, we’re in a heap of trouble. If we can only walk for 10 minutes at a time, that’s OK. Maybe the next week we can increase it to 15 minutes and so on. The last thing we want to do as we grow older is to do nothing. Sitting watching TV or reading all day is the worst thing we can do. If we don’t use it we’ll lose it, as they say.

There are some very simple exercises we can do to help with our balance. One is to stand on one foot for a count of 10 and then on the other foot for a count of 10. (You might want to hang onto the back of a chair the first few times.)

It’s no joke. If you want to become dependent on others, do nothing physical to help yourself. Just keep sitting on that sofa.

But the rest of us are going to take care of ourselves for as long as we possibly can by working hard at staying in good physical shape. I had shared with you previously what my cardiologist, Dr. Dizmang, said: “What’s good for your heart is also good for your brain.” So let’s get exercising and get our heart rates up which will make us smarter. At least that’s what I choose to believe.

So let’s get going, all of us. Growing old isn’t so bad. Granted, you keep making adjustments, but isn’t that what life is all about? So, exercise your body and your brain and work on keeping a positive outlook on life, we’ll be able to go into old age in pretty good shape.

By the time we need guidance and advise from or children, our attitude will be in a good place and we won’t be such a pain in the you-know-what. Keep working on healthy minds, bodies and spirit and we can spit in the eye of old age.

Senior Corner appears every other Monday, alternating in this space with Jim Ford’s Napa As It Was. Betty Rhodes can be reached at bettyrrhodes@sbcglobal.net.