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How do you deal with a bully?
Friday, March 14, 2008
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Watching the Elliot Spitzer situation unfold in New York, and having been the subject of some bullying myself lately, it brought to mind the whole issue for me again. It may seem like a rather mundane question, but the truth is that it is a big important question that we as a society have had a lot of trouble dealing with.

It is rather amazing to see the reaction to Spitzer, as even libertarians who oppose prostitution laws are ripping him apart. Here is a man who has built his whole career on bullying and misusing his elected office to grandstand and unethically punish people he didn’t like. He used intimidation and threats to force company CEO's to resign without ever having filed a legal action against them.
The really bad part of all this is that his public reputation, as granted him by the press and the majority of New York voters, was as a Dudley Do Right giant killer. It is sad that people support that kind of behavior, but they do.

Then of course there is Hillary Clinton, on hearing that Obama was asking about why she hadn't released her tax returns, labeled Obama a "Ken Starr." That is bullying. Then you have her high level supporter, Geraldine Ferraro, claiming that the only reason Obama was winning is because he is black. When she was criticized, she claimed that the criticism was because she is white. And of course, any criticism of Clinton is labeled as sexism.
But it is all bullying, and often much of the citizenry support it, even relish in it. In fact, we demand more of it. Isn't one of the main reasons that many of Hillary's supporters support her is the belief that she will be "tough" on the Republicans? Knowing her brand of "toughness" which I don't think even the most partisan Hillaryite could be oblivious to at this point, isn't that supporting bullying? I think so.

Is it any wonder that we have an epidemic of kids bullying each other in schools? People are being taught by example and by leadership that the way to win is to be the biggest bully.
Aren't terrorists bullies on a worldwide scale, extreme bullying, like a new extreme sport of hatred and power tripping? And wasn't the whole problem with Saddam that he was a big bully, pushing his weight around all over the Middle East?

The Bible says you reap what you sow. Or if the Bible isn't your thing, how about the New Age-ish idea that you create your own reality. Your life is a reflection outside of what is inside of you. Or call it Karma if you like. All the same idea, more or less.

The fact is that there is way too much support for bullying in America, and that comes back to bite us from around the world.

Bullying is a form of power, winning through intimidation and destroying your opponent. It is ugly, mean, and really hard to deal with when you are on the other side of it.

If Obama comes back at Hillary in kind, then he looks like a bully himself. If he doesn't stand up to her, she wins. Bullies create no win situations.

To stop bullying, you have to stop doing it yourself. You can't end bullying by being a bully, but you do have to stand up to a bully. To stop it, we have to use the power of character, honesty, telling the truth. Standing up to bad behavior without engaging in it ourselves.

That kind of power needs alliances; people working together, because it is not coercive like bullying. To most people that sounds weak, in fact it is far stronger.

In other words, you have to decide that whatever Hillary's policy positions might be, her exercise of power is too unethical to support by voting for her. When a Saddam wreaks havoc, you have to work together with allies to say, No. When an Eliot Spitzer comes along, no matter how much you hate the corporations he is ripping the guts out of, you have to say no, this is not the way to do it.

When everyone says No to a bully, they the bully has to stop.
29 comment(s)

citizen wrote on Mar 14, 2008 4:41 PM:

" If your intention is to write an anti Clinton article, just do it. Don't hide behind the screen of "political victim" while being the BULLY in sheeps clothing. Perhaps Obama is the bully for demanding Hillary's taxes. Hey! If her taxes aren't clean she'll fall on her own, all in good time. Has Obama nothing more important to talk about? Perhaps Obama is the bully for not allowing any discussion of race to occur, without crying RACISM. Fact: Obama is black; Hillary is a woman, and both are an anomoly in presidential politics. So, since we're making history here let's talk about it. It seems an acceptable free-for-all to bash Hillary for being a woman. She's called "catty", not a term used for men; she's criticized for being "tough" and for wearing "suits" (of all things!), both expected of men. I don't hear anyone crying SEXISM. Qudos to Hillary that she stands on her own merits, with no need to hide behind the "ism" screen. I have a question, similar to Geraldine's question. If a white man, relatively unknown, with little experience, who had never faced the voters in an election, and who spoke from a VERY LIBERAL platform, ran for president, would he be a contender? Heck! Not even John Edwards was taken seriously and he had more experience, had faced the voters before and he's not bad looking for those of you who think Obama's cute. OF COURSE many people like Obama because he's black. HELLO?? Good for him and be proud! Use that vehicle to his advantage. No one is afraid to say they are voting for Hillary because she is a woman. You go girl! "

napablogger wrote on Mar 14, 2008 7:13 PM:

" You can't have it both ways, you can't say that there is a certain amount of votes against a black candidate because he is black, then turn around and say a black candidate is winning because he is black. That is what people are trying to say. Jesse Jackson ran, how far did he get? Obama is clearly different than Jackson and is winning because of who he is, not because he is black. That is just such sour grapes on the part of Hillary and Ferraro, who was obviously put up to this by Hillary. I will deal with the rest of your post later. "

citizen wrote on Mar 14, 2008 10:42 PM:

" Napablogger: Jesse Jackson was never a main stream politician. Obama is main stream. Apples and oranges. Although I didn't say it, you did, I will say that yes, there are people against a black politicians, just as there are people against a female politician; and there are those who are for them. So, what is your point? "

napablogger wrote on Mar 15, 2008 12:18 AM:

" My point is that it is ridiculous to say he only got where he is because he isn't white. Jesse Jackson was more mainstream in his views than Obama, certainly not any more liberal. So the difference between them isn't their race. I mean, you don't get that? That is unbelievable. This is the exact racial pigeonholing of people that liberals have supposedly been fighting against for decades. When it is your candidate I guess it is ok. "

musikluvr wrote on Mar 15, 2008 5:31 AM:

" Bullying is a fact of life and it breeds fear. It starts with children who learn that it can be effective. There will always be power struggles between people. There will always be aggressive and meek people. Look at Mafia and union tactics, look at legal tactics. They exemplify the essence of bullys simply by fear. Fear takes away freedom. The only way to stop bullying is for people to stand up for what is right and decent. As I see it, our country defeated the biggest bully of all, King George III for our independence. This was incredibly courageous of our founding fathers many of whom suffered at the hands of the British and their sympathizers for it. But it gave us the power to be a great country. This courage lives on in our spirit and we cannot let petty bullys like unions break our spirit. This is why I am sad to see so many Americans dependent upon government and unions for everything - they have lost courage in themselves. "

citizen wrote on Mar 15, 2008 11:46 AM:

" To Napablogger: You are being too diametrically opposed in your assessment of this. I never said Obama got where he is because he isn't white. I said a white man with his credententials would not even be a contender. In todays political climate being black is a big boost, just as, for Hillary, being a female is a big boost. Do you think they are both top contenders by accident? No. People are tired of the same old...same old... and they are attracted by real change. MY POINT IS let's not pretend that race is not part of the the dialog that SHOULD be occurring, just as gender IS being made a part of the dialog. If it is okay to talk about Hillary being a woman then it is okay to talk about Obama being black. If you only want to talk about the first part of the equation and not the second part then you are being racist and sexist. Personally, I like them both and would be happy with either. But I don't like the double standard I see being played out in the political arena. "

reader wrote on Mar 15, 2008 12:45 PM:

" musikluvr: Don't forget the part where our "courageous ... founding fathers many of whom suffered at the hands of the British and their sympathizers ..." bullied the Native Americans, enroute to gaining their ... "power to be a great country." Yep, you're right, our founding ancestors put great fear into the Native Americans via their bullying.

Don't forget the part where the unions organized their existence due to the great bullying and abuse put upon the workers by the employers. Yep, you are right, a lot of fear tactics pushed those courageous workers to organize their unions. "

musikluvr wrote on Mar 15, 2008 3:27 PM:

" Reader: Thank you for your comments. I have never seen a labor union sympathizer bash our country and our founding fathers quite like you did. It is understandable though because unionism is most aligned with the Mafia, Marxism and the Russian term "Soviet Socialists". "

reader wrote on Mar 15, 2008 7:15 PM:

" musikluvr: There is a world of difference between bashing and truth-telling. I was truth-telling. Also, wake-up to 2008, there is no more need for you to fear the Bolsheviks or to red red-bait those you fear or who disagree with you. Sling something up-to-date next time. I'm still laughing. "

Bill wrote on Mar 15, 2008 8:11 PM:

" N.B. Jesse Jackson, more mainstream than Obama? Where do you collect your mushroosms? "

napablogger wrote on Mar 15, 2008 11:33 PM:

" citizen, your description of a liberal white man running for a President not well known til he ran describes a lot of white men who have run, including Jimmy Carter, then a one term governor of a small state. This article is not about Hillary, it is about bullying which I see as a major problem, along with character. Hillary is just a good example. I dont agree that a lot of people like him because he is black. People like him because so far he has refused to get down and dirty and, as the Clintons say, play the politics of personal destruction. He is trying to lift politics to a higher plane, that is what they like about him. Being black is a side benefit in some ways, but not the reason the vast majority like him. Otherwise Jesse Jackson would have done a lot better. Hillary has done that so much that he is faced with a dilemma, because people, for example yourself, will equate her campaign surrogates saying things like he is shucking and jiving his way through the primaries, or that Jesse Jackson won South Carolina, implying that any black will win that state so what (guess they thought being black was a negative back then---a month ago) with Obama asking for Hillary to release her tax records, something that is usually routine for a Presidential candidate by now and something he was more or less forced into by her constant negative campaigning. It is something that is a legitimate complaint. Her slash and burn stuff is all personal and cannot really even be answered. His criticisms are legitimate campaign issues. Big difference between the two of them. "

napablogger wrote on Mar 15, 2008 11:50 PM:

" citizen, in my view you are missing the whole import of the Democratic race. All kinds of candidates had as much experience as Obama before they ran for President. George W had only one term as Governor of Texas, before that he was the commissioner of baseball! Obama has been involved in politics most of his adult life, although a lot of it was local, but in a lot of ways you learn more there. The point of this race is not even about female vs black, etc. It is about the politics of hope, courtesy, and more than anything sticking to the issues. It is about a choice for everyone to move beyond all the baby boomer moralizing about identity politics and move beyond all the rank partisanship that everyone says they hate yet so many continue to indulge in. Hillary Clinton represents the past, skanky politics, Obama the future. Generation Y or Z, or whoever they are, the ones younger than the baby boomers, get it and look how much they go for Obama. You, like the supporters of Hillary keep wanting to drag us into a past that is over. It is not about his skin color, it is about the content of his character. MLK's dream is coming true right before your eyes! Younger people are so over this, they wouldn't even be having this discussion. "

napablogger wrote on Mar 15, 2008 11:59 PM:

" musikluvr I am glad to see someone besides myself who gets it. Like the issue of character I always harp on, this is another key issue that messes up life in our country. People think that either liberals or on the other side conservatives are messing us up, but that is not the case. The way we treat each other is what is messing us up. Clinton and Obama have nearly identical policy positions, yet they are like night and day different. One represents hope and the future, the other represents the past and the worst sort of politics. Bullying means forcing people to bend to your will by scaring them and threatening them. It is domination, and there are all kinds of levels of it, but it is the basis of evil when applies on a large scale. The left or right can be bullies, and history is full of examples of both. When you have respectful dialogue you reach solutions. When you have scorched earth hate speech, even if the differences are very small, you create wars. Hillary is centrist enough in her views that as far as that goes she could be an adequate President. But because of her flat out meanness as a person if she gets elected it will mean constant political battles and little if any progress. And I can hear the liberals blaming Republicans already. Some of them just don't want to see how mean she is, and that it has nothing to do with the fact that she is a woman. I wonder why it never occurs to them that no one has ever accused Barbra Boxer of the same things, even though conservatives don't like her, or Diane Feinstein, or Maggie Thatcher, etc. Sorry, its Hillary. "

napablogger wrote on Mar 16, 2008 12:03 AM:

" Bill, Obama is very liberal, as was Jackson. If Obama believes this liberation theology and hate America bologna then he is even a lot less mainstream than Jackson. Both of them seem within the general beliefs of the progressive wing of the Democratic party. Do you know of policy positions that would seperate them so that Jackson is outside that? If so I never noticed. "

napablogger wrote on Mar 16, 2008 12:09 AM:

" citizen, by the way, I never brought Hillary's sex up at all. You did, which is what all her supporters do. I brought *that*up, that any criticism of her is immediately labeled sexism by her supporters, which is more or less what you are doing. My problem with Hillary is that she is as mean as a snake, that she is totally narcissistic, and will do or say anything to win that she thinks she can get away with. Her husband is exactly the same, so that is not sexism, they both do it, as do a lot of other people, male or female. "

musikluvr wrote on Mar 16, 2008 7:37 AM:

" Reader: Unfortunately history repeats itself and unionism is marxism redux. Harry Bridges and his Longshoremen espoused marxist communism (Terror and hate). But you made no objection to the mafia relationship to unionism. Thank you, because you and I know it is the closest analogy and you could not refute it. "

Sandra wrote on Mar 16, 2008 11:55 AM:

" reader wrote on Mar 15, 2008 7:15 PM:

" musikluvr: There is a world of difference between bashing and truth-telling. I was truth-telling. " LOL Really? Is that what that was? More of a selective truth, if I may point out. Did you ever hear of the man who was a vegetarian, artist, and animal lover? Sounds like a pretty nice guy....until you have the whole story...He was Hitler. The native americans were not a peace loving bucolic group of people. Many of them gave as good as they got. The history of people expanding their territory goes back to the beginning of time. The white man was not the first bully, nor the last. "

glenroy wrote on Mar 16, 2008 1:27 PM:

" Sandy...that nice guy is still popular in the al qaeda clic.

NB what is it about Obama supporters?
'Obama is mainstream'...youbetcha.. You put wings on a pig and the pig will fly just like a Hummingbird.. In reality, Obama’s advisors are some the most notorious big government back-hackers ever known in Washington. When someone has not established a record, will not answer or explain his policy you’re left to judge that person by the company they keep, Louie Farrakhan and George Soros aren’t exactly mainstream. Neither is Obama’s admitted fatherly figure, his guiding light preacher and for whom he dedicated his biography, in fact he is a radical Afrocentric racist hypocrite of the highest order. This ‘mentor’ as Obama referred to him until his ‘mentors’ sermons became public record, from his Sunday Morning ‘preacher bully’ pulpit just days after praised the 9/11 attackers for giving to ...‘Whitey what Whitey deserved’... obviously condensed to paraphrase. He said that ‘White America.. deserved.. the 9/11 attacks.’. translated that is Whitey....along with another 35 minutes of fringe AFRO-racist dogma..back to Africa.. whatever etc..... a mentor for our President?

The more you hear and read from Obama supporters the more you realize how disconnected they are from Obama policy, or how little they seem to desire to know. There is nothing within Obama but vague empty phrases packaged as a phony prophet of moderation. Looking back over the past century, Obama fits in nicely as another ‘Hoover/Johnson/Carter Progressive’ being one thing in appearance and quite another in practice...how else could Obama get elected...run on this record?
"

napablogger wrote on Mar 16, 2008 5:22 PM:

" glenroy, it sounds like you are defining mainstream as anyone who agrees with you. Obama is mainstream, because a lot of people agree with his positions. That doesn't mean that I agree with them. He is winning the vote count and delegate count for the Democratic nomination for President. That is about as mainstream as you can get. "

Sandra wrote on Mar 16, 2008 5:45 PM:

" Glenroy, he certainly is...in fact his tenants have been adopted by many of the modern day terrosists groups, along with a muslim country or two. AMIN AL-HUSSEINI, father of the Modern day terrorist movement, adopted Hitler's ideologies into this movement in the 1940's. This man was also involved in the Armenian genocide, before hijacking the Arab world with his sick version of Islam......AND Glenroy, as an aside, just heard Obama, today, refer to this pastor, as his "FORMER" pastor, and equated him to an old Uncle who says things you disagree with, but is still part of your family.....Can we all say , "BAAAAAAAAA"????..... "

napablogger wrote on Mar 16, 2008 11:04 PM:

" Sandra, I agree. You don't go to a pastor for twenty years and then all of a sudden, what, is that what he believes? He married me and baptized my children and was the first person I went to when I wanted to run for Senate, and what, he hates white people??? What a shock! This is really going to hurt Obama big time, I think. And it should. I think Reverend Wright, I almost wrote White, is mentally ill. Sadly, so many black people are fed so much hatred by people like Wright that it makes healing so much harder. Like it is so hard to find things that are true to be mad about??? Why make things up, you have plenty of fodder that is true anyway. "

petebo wrote on Mar 17, 2008 1:09 AM:

" How about how cops bully the homeless and down and out....or how the IRS bullies people who choose not to "voluntarily comply"....or how the Napa County CSS bullies parents that have lost their jobs and can't pay child support...or how our military bullies recruits in to submission and in the process brainwashes them to bully and kill the enemy...which happens to be Americans that just want peace and no war. The government is the worst possible example for our children when it comes to morality and learning right from wrong. And now they are driving us in to depression so we have no choice than to submit to their evil plans for our future. Come on people, by the time ya'll wake up it will be a little too late to do anything. Do something constructive, fire your representatives. This is really pathetic. "

glenroy wrote on Mar 17, 2008 5:46 PM:

" NB...not too sure the point of your comment, juggling so many projects leaves my limited mental hard drive taxed to the max.... I think we simply have differing opinions of what is mainstream. I’ve never considered popular opinion as a basis for what is or is not mainstream. I’ve always defined mainstream in terms of policy, the public in general whether in support or opposition of an issue or candidate is irrelevant to me. Perhaps because so often people vote with their hearts, what think they hear and what they think they see....to me it’s simple..show me...prove you’ve done or can. I’d have no problem voting for any party’s candidate if it went with a little substance behind the rhetoric, no problem voting another 1.2 trillion tax hike if more big government actually worked, if someone could prove that it has had a net positive impact outside basic services like fire, police and disaster relief.

I would think most Independents, Republicans and Liberations would concur...most Democrats that I know, many of my closest family and friends, do not and would not think this way.. they vote and go with the flow, what the union tells them to vote.. be it the yellow lab or the red herring....but to them it seems like the glass is always half empty, that they’re victims or society...it’s always half full around here where and you usually get out what you put in.
"

14obama wrote on Mar 17, 2008 9:13 PM:

" It's hard to Love a bully to death when it's your political opponent !
On the other hand,one musn't allow the opponent to lie and confuse us,the voters. Correction MUST be made ! "

napablogger wrote on Mar 17, 2008 10:31 PM:

" glenroy, I think it comes down to what the defintion of mainstream is. To me it is any idea or position that enjoys wide appeal. The idea that man could not fly and that in fact it would be immoral was a mainstream opinion before the airplane was invented. That doesnt mean it was correct. In fact it seems like the mainstream opinion sooner or later always turns out to be wrong. There was a time, albeit brief, when 68% of San Franciscans supported the Iraq war. I remember it because I was floored when I saw it. "

JimClark wrote on Mar 18, 2008 3:57 PM:

" Bullies? Phony Dr. Phil is a bully.
When I was in Third Grade there was a bully. One day my anger at his oppression exceeded my fear and indoctrination of "accepting" such conduct. It seemed physical violence was more profound than the threat of it. Our confrontation was not witnessed by others but he became a better person. At our ten year reunion, we sat and laughed at what had transpired so many years ago. Why? I actually shocked him that after so many verbal assaults, my physical response caused him thought. Bullies have no right to control Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of happiness. I believe they are the main cause of school violence and the resultant shootings.

"

The Enabler wrote on Mar 19, 2008 6:05 PM:

" Prov. 26:27 Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein:And he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.
Prov 28:10 Whoso causeth the righteous to go astray in an evil way, he shall fall himself into his own pit...
Prov 29:6 In the transgression of an evil man there is a snare...
Jer 2:19 Thine own wickedness shall correct thee, and thy backsliding shall reprove thee...
Ps 9:15 The heathen are sunk down in the pit that they made: In the net which they hid is their own foot taken.
Look what happened to Hamon. His own violence caused him to be hung at the gallows. Look at what happened to Daniel and his accusers. His accusers were fed to the lions instead. In plain english: What goes around, comes around. "

petebo wrote on Mar 20, 2008 8:02 PM:

" Bullies oftentimes need a lesson...sometimes it takes a while but eventually they receive it tenfold as a result. What goes around comes around says it best...so that means the government employees should be afraid. Their time has come... "

petebo wrote on Mar 22, 2008 12:21 PM:

" Paybacks sure are sweet... "

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