Boutique owner promotes a 'mannerfesto' for gracious living

By REBECCA YERGER
Register Correspondent

Fête, a newly opened boutique at the Oxbow Public Market in Napa, takes its name from the French word that means to celebrate, entertain or honor.

Jacqueline “Jackie” Caldwell-Rhoades describes herself and her staff as “revolutionaries” with a “mannerfesto” to instill “manners for the new millennium”  a more gracious way of living in the 21st century.

The shelves of Fête are filled with merchandise Rhoades describes as “classic and elegant yet witty and not at all pretentious. It also reflects my eye, life adventures and discoveries. I’ve also tried to offer a variety of prices and items ranging from timeless and traditional to the unique.”

Fête features Italian etched crystal glasses and stemware, South American Alpaca silver service pieces, French milled pear-shaped soaps and Napa Valley bath fragrances and lotions. The merchandise at Fête includes opaque roses made from fish scales and hand-crafted Italian place mats embedded with fibers and natural elements.

“We also carry a nice assortment of note cards,” said Rhoades, who expressed her concern over the decline of the art of letter writing as well as other social graces.

Rhoades, a professional event planner and former director of special events for the Santa Fe Opera, emphasized her mission is to help where wanted and not to dictate or intimidate. But when asked, she will happily share helpful hints to turn get-togethers into memorable and enjoyable parties. She began with the principle of social reciprocity, not to mention physics: “For every action there is an equal or greater reaction.

 “As the host, it’s your job to invite an interesting mix of guests,” she said. “While e-vites are fast, sending an invitation through the mail shows the recipient they matter and you care about them. In addition to generating good feelings, the invitation helps to set the mood and tone for the party so your guests will know what to expect and what to wear.”

The next step in this social reciprocity process is the responsibility of the guest. “When you’ve received an invitation, you must respond within seven days of its receipt.” Rhoades said. “You have to make a decision, a commitment to either a yes or no response. It is unfair to the host to not respond at all or to say ‘Maybe’ or ‘I’ll try to make it.’ You must make a commitment of either yes or no!”

At this point the social responsibilities return to the host in the form of advanced planning.  “If the guest list exceeds six people be sure to use place cards at the table or tables,” Rhoades said. “The place cards eliminate that awkward musical chairs guests can play when trying to find a seat. Also, the host knows all the guests and is better able to seat the guests to encourage what I  call the ‘discovery process.’ I define ‘discovery’ as the way people find out they have similarities and common bonds through conversation.

“Another way the host can help facilitate ‘discovery’ is by introducing their guests to each other and then let the process happen on its own,” Rhoades added. “In order to make all this happen, the host must spend time with their guests during the party. So it’s OK to hire a wait staff or caterers. It is your party, enjoy it and your guests.”

The final responsibilities belong to the guest. And if carried out, Rhoades believes future invitations are almost a certain guarantee. She said, “Arrive on time and bring a gift for the host, something they can enjoy after the party. Then offer to help, as it is the height of bad manners not to do so. Also, be sure to bring your best manners and party personality with you. Be prepared to participate, you’re not there to be an observer. Then, preferably within seven days after the event, write and send a thank you note to your host. It is the least you can do after someone thought enough of you to include you in their event. An e-mail or phone call is not enough ... write out that note!”

Rhoades then paused and said with a smile, “Yes, I am very passionate about this.” She continued, however, “Fête is not a finishing school. It is about adding quality to one’s life and enhancing its celebration.”

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