For the past 10 years, the Smart family has died a little each day.

It was on Memorial Day weekend 1996 that their 19-year-old daughter Kristin Smart disappeared. For the past decade the family has been waiting for that moment when they can bring her body back for a proper burial.

Kristin, a freshman at Cal Poly University in San Luis Obispo, was last seen in the early morning hours of May 25, 1996, after she left an off-campus party.

Investigators believe Paul Flores, 19, also a student at the university, was the last person to see Kristin alive. She met him at the party, and the two walked together back to their dorm rooms, which were in separate buildings. Flores has always maintained he left Kristin around 2 a.m., when they reached his dorm room. He said she continued to walk the short distance to her room alone. Detectives still consider Flores as a possible suspect.

For Kristin's parents, Denise and Stan Smart, and her siblings, Matt, 27, and Lindsey, 24, the ordeal has been almost more than they can bear.

Stan was principal of Vintage High School at the time their daughter went missing. In 2000, he assumed the duties of Napa Valley Unified School District director of student services. He retires on June 30.

"A little part of our lives dies each day. People lose someone they love each day, but it shouldn't be your children," Denise Smart said. "There is a hole in our heart that never goes away. It's not easy to move on when you don't know where your child is."

The Smarts have long since given up hope their daughter will be found alive.

"But to think of her somewhere in an unmarked, unknown grave ... no greater pain for a parent," Denise said.

Stan Smart is frustrated the case has not been resolved. "We don't have any idea where she is," he said.

Stan spent the first three summers after his daughter's disappearance combing the area around the college looking for Kristin's body.

"It's very hilly, steep, wooded terrain. And we don't have any idea where to search. If we just had some direction, we could get a large number of people to search, but where do you look? It is unusual that a hiker hasn't come across her body," Smart said. "We still go down to San Luis Obispo and continue to search. We have to. But it just eats you alive."

Like the police, the Smarts believe Flores knows details about what happened to Kristin. But he's not talking. Other than making a few initial statements to police when Kristin disappeared, over the past 10 years, Flores has refused to talk to investigators. He has never denied any involvement in Kristin's disappearance.

"I know he killed our daughter. Kristin had been drinking that night. I think he took her to his dorm room and tried to rape her. She may have fought back, and he hit her in the head or choked her," Stan said.

"He was alone in his dorm room that night. His roommate was in San Francisco. I believe he wrapped Kristin's body in a blanket and took her out the window -- his room was on the ground floor," he said. "I think he put her body in a nearby Dumpster, and she ended up in the landfill."

Smart said sheriff's investigators checked the landfill, but found nothing.

"Now the landfill has been closed because it has been declared a hazmat. They have covered the entire fill with a layer of dirt," he said.

On one of their trips to San Luis Obispo after their daughter's disappearance, Denise confronted Flores at the gas station where he worked.

"I introduced myself to him. I said, 'Paul, it's a terrible accident. We need your help to find Kristin. Please tell us what you know,'" Denise said. "He went inside and locked himself in a closet. He knows where she is and that it's a place where she doesn't want to be, and certainly a place we don't want her to be."

Flores is represented by an attorney hired after the Smart's filed a wrongful death suit against him.

"We are not suing for money, but for information. He knows where she is, and he needs to tell us," Stan said. The next hearing is set for early June.

Twice, Flores' attorneys have presented plea bargains to the Smarts.

"In return for information about Kristin, Paul wanted to be assured he would not get any jail time. But the deals fell through," Denise said. "I know he did it, and he needs to be punished."

From the very beginning, the Smarts have been unhappy with the way law enforcement has handled the investigation.

"She disappeared early Saturday morning, and the campus police didn't notify us until Monday night. They said she could have just taken off," Denise said.

By the time campus police got around to searching Flores' dorm room, he had left for the summer and taken all of his belongings.

"We wanted other law enforcement called in right away. I wanted the FBI involved because I believe Kristin was kidnapped," she said. "But all we ever got was that the case was in good hands with the campus police."

About a month after Kristin's disappearance, the San Luis Obispo County Sheriff's investigators were called in.

They searched Flores' dorm room with cadaver dogs. The dogs picked up the scent of corpse on the edge of Flores' mattress and the telephone on the adjacent nightstand.

In 1999, Gov. Pete Wilson signed what is commonly called the Kristin Smart Law, requiring universities and colleges to notify local law enforcement immediately if a violent crime may have occurred.

The current provost for the university, Robert Detweiler was not at Cal Poly when Kristin disappeared. He came in 1998.

"I am familiar about the Smarts' concern. I have checked with people who were here when it happened. The university believes campus police acted professionally and appropriately. We have cooperated with law enforcement from the beginning, Detweiler said. "As tragic as this is, the case has impacted the university to become more concerned in educating students, especially freshmen, about safety and sexual assault. It made us more attentive to the issue of alcohol abuse."

The Smarts are also frustrated that the sheriff's department is not working closer with them.

"They do not communicate with us about the case. We're not getting any information. They are accusing us of leaking information to the media. They have told us a task force made up of an officials from the FBI, the sheriff's and district attorney's office has been assigned to investigate Kristin's case. They are to work on it until the case is resolved," Denise said. "However, we do not have contact with them. I would just think law enforcement would keep us better informed."

During the past 10 years, one of the bright spots in the Smart's life as been Dennis Mahon.

Mahon, who is from Charlotte, NC, came to California to search for Kristen Modafferi. The 19-year-old, who is also from Charlotte and a North Carolina State University student, was last seen on June 23, 1997, leaving a San Francisco coffee shop.

After Mahon arrived in San Francisco, he became interested in the Kristin Smart case and started putting information about her on his sonofsusan.com Web site. Mahon used to park outside the Flores' home in Arroyo Grande and also took photos of Paul Flores during his court appearances.

"His Web site has kept Kristen's case alive. We are very thankful," Denise said.

However, Mahon's involvement in the Kristin Smart case is the main reason law enforcement has been stingy in releasing information to the family, San Luis Obispo Sheriff's Undersheriff Steve Bolts said.

"They have been very involved and very appreciated of Dennis Mahon, his Web site and the information he puts on it. We have asked Dennis and the Smarts to remove the information because it's inaccurate. We will not participate in providing information to them that ends up being incorrect," Bolts said. "Every time we give them information they think they are doing the right thing by putting it on the Internet. If it was accurate information, we would not have this problem. But Dennis puts his own spin on it.

"We cannot maintain the credibility of the investigation if we can't validate the information on the Web site. So we don't share information with the Smarts," Bolts said. "If they would agree not to share information, we would meet with them on a daily basis if they wanted. But they have declined."

In addition to the loss of her daughter, Denise struggles with the image that she believes the media has painted of Kristin the night she disappeared.

"There were all kinds of stories portraying Kristin to be the drunk girl who didn't make it home from the party. I'm no Polyanna. I know college kids drink. But I don't want people to get the wrong message about my daughter. She was the girl who walked home with the wrong person. The message is we need to look out for one another," Denise said. "I know the police report said she was drunk. But wasn't as if she was passed out, lying over a beer keg. I just don't want her to be victimized again. Kristin is the one who knows what happened that night. And she is not here to tell us."

As another anniversary passes of their daughter's disappearance, Stan, Denise, Matt and Lindsey refuse to give up hope that the case will be resolved and Kristen will be put to rest with dignity.

"Someone asked me if I heard that they found Kristin's body would I be happy?" Stan said. "No, I wouldn't be happy. Yes, there would be some closure. But it's never a happy situation when you have to bury your child."

Attempts by the Register to contact the Flores' family were unsuccessful. Paul Flores' parents, Susan and Ruben, have divorced and live in Arroyo Grande. Both have unlisted telephone numbers. Paul Flores is living in Lawndale with his ex-brother-in-law.