Special to the Register

By HSING CHEN

I never thought I'd end up here. I never dreamt for this or hoped for this, but somehow I have taken a detour in my life that has led me to goals I've never imagined. This path I've taken has been difficult, along with it the greatest challenges I've ever faced. Quite by accident, I've become a chef.

Five years ago, I was laid off from my job at TiVo in the Silicon Valley. Like most hopeful dot-commers, I did not become filthy rich. What's a girl to do with a journalism degree in the middle of the dot-com crash? My days grew long and to pass time, I found myself doing what I've loved since childhood. I cooked. Without much planning or thought I enrolled in culinary school to become a food writer.

I found myself in unfamiliar territory. No longer surrounded by young professionals, I was now a minority in a sea of lost souls. Classes were jam packed with youngsters straight out of high school. I met only a handful of other career-changers willing to take on the unknown.

I was terrified, but oh so ready for an adventure. I knew nothing about professional cooking. My first day in basic knife skills, I realized that I could not julienne carrots or any other vegetables for that matter. What seemed so simple was quite an impossible task. I looked down at the mess on my cutting board and threw the nasty cuts into the garbage before the instructor passed by.

It didn't take long for me to realize that I was not destined for savory cooking. The idea of working the hot line and cooking to order was terrifying. I excelled in pastry classes and found myself intrigued. I wanted to know more about baking, chocolate work, ice cream, anything and everything sweet.

I went to Fleur de Cocoa, my favorite pastry shop in Los Gatos and asked if they needed any help. At the time I didn't know that Pascal Janvier was a master chocolatier and world-renowned pastry chef. All I knew was that it was my local pastry shop I frequented for the decadent desserts. The shop was filled with an aroma of sweet tarts, buttery croissants, and musty hot chocolate. When you walk in, you take a deep breath and inhale pure indulgence.

This was my first look into the world of the restaurant business. Who would turn down free labor? Well, when you approach top chefs in the business, it is you who should be thankful to have the opportunity to learn from them. My request was denied. Finally the holidays came and they called to inquire if I was interested in helping out through the rush.

When Chef Pascal asked what I knew of pastry I was honest. Not much. To my surprise, that was exactly what he wanted to hear. He didn't want someone in his shop that had so much experience and knowledge that they would challenge him. Without any experience he would be able to teach me to do things his way. His way was not easy, and when I made a mistake, like slamming a sheet pan into a beautifully decorated cake he said, "Are you trying to put me out of business?"

He wasn't one for giving out compliments, but I knew my chocolate work was improving when he commented, "Getting better, you are wearing less chocolate on you at the end of the day."

I was exhausted from school but arose each morning with so much energy and anticipation. It's not often as adults that we find ourselves in an environment where we are completely intrigued. Where we realize just how little we know. Where we feel like a child again. Most of us go about our daily lives without an awareness of the effect we have on people through our work. Here I watched customers come into the shop and swoon over the case of pastries. This gave me great satisfaction.

Now that I had a taste of working in a chocolaterie/patisserie, I wanted to see another side of pastry -- plated desserts in fine dining establishments. There was so much to know and I accepted any opportunities that came my way. I did not mind working long hours and went to work every day excited to engage all my senses. I loved the sound of kitchens, the touch of works in progress, the taste of a final creation and the sense of personal accomplishment.

I went to work for Keith Jeanminette, the talented pastry chef at Masa's in San Francisco. Once again, I was in a position where I realized how little I knew. Working in a fine dining restaurant is an extremely humbling experience. No matter how much you think you know you must re-learn everything to be done with the chef's standards.

For months I was terrified of losing my job. I was given a production list each day and I always pushed myself to accomplish it in time. Unlike the patisserie, there was a sense of urgency here, a deadline to be ready in time for dinner service. Chef Keith was a perfectionist and tasted everything I made, especially ice cream and sorbets. It wasn't till months later that my taste buds were trusted and earned the title of "sorbetologist."

Two years ago I found myself in Yountville with so much excitement and anticipation for a job I had just accepted. I had been offered a position with the pastry department of the French Laundry Restaurant. I was going to be surrounded by world-class chefs at an establishment where only perfection is accepted.

It was the most challenging time. I must say, I never had a job that pushed me to the limits each day. I was constantly reminded that nothing was ever good enough as perfection is an illusive goal. You had to be in top form mentally and physically and push yourself to be better than you were the day before. Like a competitive sport, competing with yourself.

I made great sacrifices personally and financially, but in the end it was worth it. What I hold closest to my heart are the people I've met. I've developed a compassion and understanding for the sweat and tears behind this business. It's been a difficult road, with unexpected detours along the way, but the journey has been worthwhile.