Ann Landers


Dear Ann Landers: This is for the woman who didn't want to leave her children in order to take a romantic trip to Europe with her husband. She said the kids had standardized tests that week and she would feel like a bad mother if she didn't stay home and help them prepare. I have been in her position and would like to offer some advice.

My husband had many travel opportunities through his job and, occasionally, I went with him. Fortunately, I had family members who were willing to look after the children when we were away. We once left them for three weeks, and yes, there were standardized tests, but the children survived beautifully. The oldest will be going to medical school next year, and the younger one was just accepted to a prestigious university. I spent 350 days a year helping with homework. When I was away the other 15 days, they learned self-reliance, and it didn't harm my marriage, either.

Children grow up and move on with their lives. It is important to make your marriage a priority so your spouse doesn't move away, too. The woman who always puts her children's needs before her husband's may discover one day that he has found someone else to satisfy his needs. -- Figured It Out in Spokane, Wash.

Dear Spokane: Who was it who said, "Husbands, like fires, when left unattended, tend to go out"? There's a lot of wisdom in those few words. Thanks for your testimony.

2001 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.