When I was 19, I borrowed a friend's I.D. with the hopes of getting into a dance club in Lincoln, Neb., where I attended college. In the photo, my friend, Tom Berg, had a beard. Brilliant! I didn't have a beard, but who's to say it wasn't me under that facial bramble -- our eyes were the same color. That had to count for something.I stood in line outside the club entrance trembling. The bouncer was sitting on a chrome barstool at the door. A sullen, take-no-prisoners dude. I handed over the I.D. and he peered at the photo with the same look of malevolence I imagine food critic Michael Bauer wears when gazing at a plate of Tater Tots. Time stopped. Rivers ceased to flow. He turned his baleful eyes on me. I was concentrating on not looking 19. I didn't want to be arrested. I didn't want to go to jail. I didn't want to be somebody's hoochy girlfriend in the Big House.The bouncer's eyes were not human. I really thought he was going to punch me in the face."Yeah aw right," he snapped, thrusting a thumb toward the club entrance.I semi-fainted my way through the door. This was 1984 and the world took no notice. How tastes in the newsroom have changed.Recently, 19-year-old Jenna Bush tried something similar and it made headlines around the globe. Granted, she was dealing with a somewhat different paradigm.A) Her father is the president of United States and his picture -- and hers -- has appeared in every newspaper, on every newscast, and nearly every magazine in the country.B) There's a vanload of Secret Security waiting outside.With these powerful strikes against her anonymity, Ms. Bush goes to a restaurant in Texas (where dad was very recently guv'ner), plops down a friend's I.D. and says, "Hi I'm (friend's name) -- gimme a drink."So Jenna Bush isn't the brightest bulb on the marquee. You know what? She's 19. The real problem for me isn't just that this story is a vapid waste of space. It's not even good gossip. At least the Clinton scandals had the distinction of being shocking. Who but a complete ninny is surprised that a 19-year-old uses a false ID to try to get at a drink? If this is what passes for news, then I have some stories that should really rock the nation:First Lady Laura Bush Can't Find Favorite Pair of Blue ShoesWASHINGTON (AP) -- Complaining that she has not been able to find a favorite pair of periwinkle penny loafers since the first family moved from Texas, first lady Laura Bush today was forced to wear a second-favorite pair, which display some scuffing on the toe.President Locates Mystery Toenail WASHINGTON (AP) -- President George W. Bush today, while meeting with the Prime Minister of Belarus in the Oval Office, noticed a toenail clipping embedded in the carpeting.Secret Service Officers joked with the president that it might be more of the vandalism allegedly left behind by Clinton staffers.Bush retorted that toenails probably go to the same place that all the missing socks and ball-point pens go to.When all the jollity was translated to the Prime Minister, he laughed until he stopped.Napa Boy Assaults Parent With FruitNAPA (AP) -- A Napa Valley youth today hurled a partially consumed banana at his father today, eliciting a cry of surprise.While eating lunch in this quiet Wine Country hamlet, Willem Howard Demsky, 16 months, threw a banana chunk at his father, who was bending over to straighten a kitchen rug."Heck, I sure didn't see that one coming," said father Andy Demsky, 35. "Nailed me right in the back!"And so news as we know it continues to evolve. Dip-squats and nimrods everywhere are no doubt rejoicing at this new day in journalism.Andy Demsky is a writer living in Napa. Reach him at ad@andydemsky.com.

This past month marked my first full year as a reporter for The Napa Valley Register and a resident of the area. Overall, I'd have to say I've been happy with the experience and people whose paths I've crossed as I've worked the Upvalley and Arts and Entertainment beats during the past 12 months. Along the way, however, there have been some surprises. Guide books and literature about the region are basically written for the short-time tourist types who come, visit a few days and leave. The one pithy and necessary gem of wisdom they don't tell you in these books is that the Napa Valley is first and foremost a farming community. The wonderful wine produced in the region has to come from somewhere. Right? Looking back, however, somehow the reality of what that meant never really registered in my brain until this past week.So, it was with great anticipation and excitement that I accepted my colleague's, the inimitable wine guru of the Register, L. Pierce Carson, invitation to assist him in covering this past week's Napa Valley Wine Auction. While Pierce was much more involved than myself, the 11 hours, three events and hundreds of wines we were able to see, changed the way I look at the Napa Valley, grapes and wine makers forever.The two main events we attended together were the lots viewing on Thursday of last week and this past weekend's auction extravaganza. As we entered the Mondavi Winery grounds, where this year's lot viewing and barrel auction took place, those prophetic words of Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz" came to mind. Looking down at her little friend she held in her arms, Dorothy said, "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." I know I certainly didn't think I was in Napa. A sea of food and wine tents, representing some of the best and brightest of the restaurants and wineries of the valley, were set up on the main green, with workers dishing out culinary treats and a array of wonderful wines. As an auction event novice, the spectacle was the equivalent to a backwoods hayseed suddenly finding himself transported to Grand Central Station in mid-town Manhattan. Sensory overload took on a whole new meaning for me in those first few critical minutes after our arrival.Fortunately, Pierce saw my predicament and suggested we hit the lot displays in the Mondavi's new barrel room as quickly as possible. We trekked through the crowd and joined the throng marching up the ramp that led to the viewing area.Once inside, things didn't get any easier. Laid out on the main floor were lot after lot of wine exhibits to be auctioned off during the upcoming Saturday sales event. As if the painted and elaborately decorated wine bottles weren't impressive enough, each winery went to extraordinary lengths to display their product in the most attractive and artistic manner possible.Even the names of the wineries seemed cloaked in mysterious and intriguing monikers: Dutch Henry, Money Road, Luna, Aida and Maya to name a few. From fanciful oriental dragons, dancing buckhorns and mute bottles disguised as chess men, the diversity and artistic beauty of the lots was a thing to behold.A good example of the pride the wine makers take in displaying their wines was this year's co-hosts, Bob and Margrit Mondavi's, effort. Enlisting the talent of east coast artist, Wayne Ensrud, the Mondavi's had 20 bottles hand painted representing each of the 20 years the auction has been in existence. To display the bottles, Napa artist, Lisa Splendid-Jacklich, built a eight foot tower fashioned after the one that sits atop the winery building in Oakville. Splendid-Jacklich built an armature that reached from floor to ceiling. Inserted into the central frame were custom made supports, hand hammered in place, each arm covered with lamb's suede, so the bottles gently spiraled down the post. Splendid-Jacklich went to great lengths to match the stucco outer surface and the bronze door handles fashioned after the real ones found on the main winery doors. The doors themselves were made from 100 year old oak barrel staves which she sanded and then re-weathered to give an authentic appearance to the tower's entrance. Inside, she lined the walls and ceiling with light gauge copper sheets to reflect the beauty of the bottles and the artwork adorning their bodies.This combined effort worked especially well. At auction on Saturday, the Mondavi's lot went for $260,000, representing one of the biggest draws of the day -- a testament to the wine, the wine makers and the power of a good presentation. As if the lot viewing and accompanying barrel tasting on the lower level of the room weren't impressive enough, the auction on Saturday was fashioned to send guests over the edge. Eating, drinking and having as much fun as humanly possible were the orders of the day.From what I could tell, everyone took this mandate to heart and did their level best to fulfill their mission. Yet, these proceedings were not capricious indulgences or an excuse to throw a big party. Behind the four day event, five if you count the open houses at area wineries on Sunday, was a grand and charitable mission. Along the way, more than $7.5 million landed in the coffers for distribution to local charities throughout the region. What better statement could be made about how this small farming community and valley takes care of its own? Happy trails.Gary Brady-Herndon can be reached at 256-2219 or at gherndon@napanewsWays to tell you're not in Kansas but at the Napa Valley Wine Auction.* Seeing Robert Mondavi dressed up in drag as Vanna White while spinning the Wheel of Fortune.* Milling around on the grounds of Meadowood Resort with a couple of thousand other people and never having to wait in line at the portable potties.* Watching someone pay $650,000 for a few bottles of Screaming Eagle wine and agreeing they got a bargain.* Approaching a volunteer to get a disposal plate for lunch and realizing as you walk away the smiling, aproned person was your congressman, Mike Thompson.* Looking over your shoulder at a table behind you and seeing the baseball idol from your youth, Rusty Staub, filling a squirt gun from a bottle of Crystal Geyser.* Sitting amid a sea of rabid, screaming, cheering people and not being at a sports event or rock concert.* Feeling the pain and disappointment of not actually getting to see Heather Locklear, even though she was rumored to be on the grounds. (This, like so many things that happened to me last week, was a first.)

$7.6 million! That's a lot of money for our local charities, much from outsiders who love our wine and our valley. Undoubtedly some will note that the total is down $1.9 million over last year, but $1.7 million of that could be attributed to Internet guy Chase Bailey, who sadly divorced last year and not sadly now lives in Paris. Think of it as an extraordinary event like corporations do, and instead note the constant progression upward over the last 21 years. True, the Auction seemed a little subdued, but that's not so bad. It was a better time to talk to friends and appreciate the excellent food and wine. One highlight came Friday night when Broadway and movie star Joel Grey sang an appropriate invitation to "Come to the Cabernet, er, Cabaret."Ron and Teri Kuhn were the top bidders at close to $1 million including $650,000 for eight years of Screaming Eagle in double magnums, plus wines and a huge party for his friends at Opus. Ironically, they were also donors of wine, too: Their first release of their Pillar Rock Stags Leap District wine came close to topping the barrel auction but a last minute rally by Staglin Family Estates made it the top barrel lot for the third year in a row.This year, the Auction committee pledges to donate fully 95 percent to local causes, up from 85 percent last year. Congratulations to Bob and Margrit Mondavi and all the others who made the auction so successful. Next year's chairmen will be Robert Pecota and his family. Among the celebrities attending the Auction was congressman Mike Thompson, working hard handing out plates to incoming guests on Saturday. Mike's Wine Caucus in Washington is up to 160 Senators and Representatives from both parties, and he reports that the wine industry does a better job of talking to him -- better yet, with one voice -- than any other constituents. Interesting aside: In addition to California's best-known wineries, he also has more microbrewers in his district than any other Congressman. Come to think of it, since the district extends up the coast to Oregon, I bet his district also contains more of another famous social relaxant. On a more serious note, Mike has introduced legislation to help the energy crisis, which isn't going away, including a 50 percent tax credit on energy-wasting old appliances and eliminating price zoning that penalizes Northern California. He also came up with the great idea to have military installations, which are big power users, conserve energy while firing up their own ample power plants in emergencies. He's also trying to once more focus attention on renewable energy sources and encourage conservation, two important approaches the oil-oriented administration doesn't get. Since Napa Valley Cabernets regularly beat those from Bordeaux in tastings, and rich California Chardonnays do the same to white Burgundies like Montrachet, it's only fitting that someone finally sought to make a wine comparable to lean Chablis. Famed Burgundy producer Michel Laroche teamed up with Anthony J. Terlato, who owns Rutherford Hill Winery, half of Chimney Rock and Paterno Imports, the leading imported of expensive Italian wines, to do just that. The wine, snappily called Michel Laroche at Rutherford Hill, is one producers in Chablis could make only in exceptional years, but is still leaner and more elegant than the typical buttery, oaky California Chardonnay. Co-made by Rutherford Hill winemaker Kent Barthman, it's a wine worthy of the best seafood or poultry offered at the French Laundry or Domaine Chandon. First we hear that Philippe Jeanty and Jan Birnbaum are negotiating to open restaurants in San Francisco, then that Thomas Keller will open a French Laundry in New York. Earlier Fred Halpert took his LiveFire to near PacBell Park in the City. I wish them all well, but hope that doesn't divert their attention from feeding us, too. There's an interesting exhibit of wine-related art owned by Sterling Vineyards at the Napa Valley Museum. At first they just look like nice pictures until you read their labels -- and look at the names of the artists: Picasso, Van Leyden, Daumier, Chagall, Renoir, Currier & Ives and others. It's on until September when it will move to the extensively rebuilt Sterling Winery in Calistoga. The new Plaza Building on the River just opened at Napa River Inn, doubling the capacity of the elegant hotel. It's definitely the place to steer your friends. French Mediterranean restaurant Toulon should open in the Fall, and the concert space for 300 should soon see use. Tonight, the Cameo Theater is holding a benefit performance of "Who's Killing the Great Chefs of Europe?" for the St. Helena Farmers Market at 7:30. Details at 963-7403. The Market each Friday at Crane Park is also hosting a booth for the Slow Food Movement, an antidote to fast food supporting local producers and natural food.Tonight at the Yountville Market: chef Jeff Circiello of Bouchon and wines from Silverado Vineyards. The St. Helena Chamber is looking for nominations for its citizen of the year. He or she will be honored August 25; call 963-456 to enter candidates. Enjoy a cooking Crystal cruise with Cherie and Delio Cuneo of Green Valley Café, plus Udo Nechutnys of Jordan Winery, entertainingly opinionated wine expert Dan Berger and Larry King in August. Details from Suzan Rada at St. Helena Travel, 963-7177. Pet peeve of the week: Architectural food. How do you cut a steak piled on top of mashed potatoes. This stuff may look impressive, but it sure doesn't add to the pleasure of eating, particularly since I like to decide which flavors I want to combine. The Italians (and the French Laundry) do it right, serving meals sequentially, not seeing how much they can plop on your plate. So do classic steak houses like Cole's, serving your vegetables separately and also allowing sharing. Wine of the month for Alliance members (local residents) at Louis Martini: Louis; Blend Red and White for $45 a case, perfect for those lazy picnics and BBQ's. Martini is sponsoring its traditional Independence Day Party July 4th, and those of you who don't live nearby won't want to miss the impressive fireworks. News to paul@NapaLife.com or fax 967-8382.

When I was 19, I borrowed a friend's I.D. with the hopes of getting into a dance club in Lincoln, Neb., where I attended college. In the photo, my friend, Tom Berg, had a beard. Brilliant! I didn't have a beard, but who's to say it wasn't me under that facial bramble -- our eyes were the same color. That had to count for something.I stood in line outside the club entrance trembling. The bouncer was sitting on a chrome barstool at the door. A sullen, take-no-prisoners dude. I handed over the I.D. and he peered at the photo with the same look of malevolence I imagine food critic Michael Bauer wears when gazing at a plate of Tater Tots. Time stopped. Rivers ceased to flow. He turned his baleful eyes on me. I was concentrating on not looking 19. I didn't want to be arrested. I didn't want to go to jail. I didn't want to be somebody's hoochy girlfriend in the Big House.The bouncer's eyes were not human. I really thought he was going to punch me in the face."Yeah aw right," he snapped, thrusting a thumb toward the club entrance.I semi-fainted my way through the door. This was 1984 and the world took no notice. How tastes in the newsroom have changed.Recently, 19-year-old Jenna Bush tried something similar and it made headlines around the globe. Granted, she was dealing with a somewhat different paradigm.A) Her father is the president of United States and his picture -- and hers -- has appeared in every newspaper, on every newscast, and nearly every magazine in the country.B) There's a vanload of Secret Security waiting outside.With these powerful strikes against her anonymity, Ms. Bush goes to a restaurant in Texas (where dad was very recently guv'ner), plops down a friend's I.D. and says, "Hi I'm (friend's name) -- gimme a drink."So Jenna Bush isn't the brightest bulb on the marquee. You know what? She's 19. The real problem for me isn't just that this story is a vapid waste of space. It's not even good gossip. At least the Clinton scandals had the distinction of being shocking. Who but a complete ninny is surprised that a 19-year-old uses a false ID to try to get at a drink? If this is what passes for news, then I have some stories that should really rock the nation:First Lady Laura Bush Can't Find Favorite Pair of Blue ShoesWASHINGTON (AP) -- Complaining that she has not been able to find a favorite pair of periwinkle penny loafers since the first family moved from Texas, first lady Laura Bush today was forced to wear a second-favorite pair, which display some scuffing on the toe.President Locates Mystery Toenail WASHINGTON (AP) -- President George W. Bush today, while meeting with the Prime Minister of Belarus in the Oval Office, noticed a toenail clipping embedded in the carpeting.Secret Service Officers joked with the president that it might be more of the vandalism allegedly left behind by Clinton staffers.Bush retorted that toenails probably go to the same place that all the missing socks and ball-point pens go to.When all the jollity was translated to the Prime Minister, he laughed until he stopped.Napa Boy Assaults Parent With FruitNAPA (AP) -- A Napa Valley youth today hurled a partially consumed banana at his father today, eliciting a cry of surprise.While eating lunch in this quiet Wine Country hamlet, Willem Howard Demsky, 16 months, threw a banana chunk at his father, who was bending over to straighten a kitchen rug."Heck, I sure didn't see that one coming," said father Andy Demsky, 35. "Nailed me right in the back!"And so news as we know it continues to evolve. Dip-squats and nimrods everywhere are no doubt rejoicing at this new day in journalism.Andy Demsky is a writer living in Napa. Reach him at ad@andydemsky.com.

This past month marked my first full year as a reporter for The Napa Valley Register and a resident of the area. Overall, I'd have to say I've been happy with the experience and people whose paths I've crossed as I've worked the Upvalley and Arts and Entertainment beats during the past 12 months. Along the way, however, there have been some surprises. Guide books and literature about the region are basically written for the short-time tourist types who come, visit a few days and leave. The one pithy and necessary gem of wisdom they don't tell you in these books is that the Napa Valley is first and foremost a farming community. The wonderful wine produced in the region has to come from somewhere. Right? Looking back, however, somehow the reality of what that meant never really registered in my brain until this past week.So, it was with great anticipation and excitement that I accepted my colleague's, the inimitable wine guru of the Register, L. Pierce Carson, invitation to assist him in covering this past week's Napa Valley Wine Auction. While Pierce was much more involved than myself, the 11 hours, three events and hundreds of wines we were able to see, changed the way I look at the Napa Valley, grapes and wine makers forever.The two main events we attended together were the lots viewing on Thursday of last week and this past weekend's auction extravaganza. As we entered the Mondavi Winery grounds, where this year's lot viewing and barrel auction took place, those prophetic words of Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz" came to mind. Looking down at her little friend she held in her arms, Dorothy said, "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." I know I certainly didn't think I was in Napa. A sea of food and wine tents, representing some of the best and brightest of the restaurants and wineries of the valley, were set up on the main green, with workers dishing out culinary treats and a array of wonderful wines. As an auction event novice, the spectacle was the equivalent to a backwoods hayseed suddenly finding himself transported to Grand Central Station in mid-town Manhattan. Sensory overload took on a whole new meaning for me in those first few critical minutes after our arrival.Fortunately, Pierce saw my predicament and suggested we hit the lot displays in the Mondavi's new barrel room as quickly as possible. We trekked through the crowd and joined the throng marching up the ramp that led to the viewing area.Once inside, things didn't get any easier. Laid out on the main floor were lot after lot of wine exhibits to be auctioned off during the upcoming Saturday sales event. As if the painted and elaborately decorated wine bottles weren't impressive enough, each winery went to extraordinary lengths to display their product in the most attractive and artistic manner possible.Even the names of the wineries seemed cloaked in mysterious and intriguing monikers: Dutch Henry, Money Road, Luna, Aida and Maya to name a few. From fanciful oriental dragons, dancing buckhorns and mute bottles disguised as chess men, the diversity and artistic beauty of the lots was a thing to behold.A good example of the pride the wine makers take in displaying their wines was this year's co-hosts, Bob and Margrit Mondavi's, effort. Enlisting the talent of east coast artist, Wayne Ensrud, the Mondavi's had 20 bottles hand painted representing each of the 20 years the auction has been in existence. To display the bottles, Napa artist, Lisa Splendid-Jacklich, built a eight foot tower fashioned after the one that sits atop the winery building in Oakville. Splendid-Jacklich built an armature that reached from floor to ceiling. Inserted into the central frame were custom made supports, hand hammered in place, each arm covered with lamb's suede, so the bottles gently spiraled down the post. Splendid-Jacklich went to great lengths to match the stucco outer surface and the bronze door handles fashioned after the real ones found on the main winery doors. The doors themselves were made from 100 year old oak barrel staves which she sanded and then re-weathered to give an authentic appearance to the tower's entrance. Inside, she lined the walls and ceiling with light gauge copper sheets to reflect the beauty of the bottles and the artwork adorning their bodies.This combined effort worked especially well. At auction on Saturday, the Mondavi's lot went for $260,000, representing one of the biggest draws of the day -- a testament to the wine, the wine makers and the power of a good presentation. As if the lot viewing and accompanying barrel tasting on the lower level of the room weren't impressive enough, the auction on Saturday was fashioned to send guests over the edge. Eating, drinking and having as much fun as humanly possible were the orders of the day.From what I could tell, everyone took this mandate to heart and did their level best to fulfill their mission. Yet, these proceedings were not capricious indulgences or an excuse to throw a big party. Behind the four day event, five if you count the open houses at area wineries on Sunday, was a grand and charitable mission. Along the way, more than $7.5 million landed in the coffers for distribution to local charities throughout the region. What better statement could be made about how this small farming community and valley takes care of its own? Happy trails.Gary Brady-Herndon can be reached at 256-2219 or at gherndon@napanewsWays to tell you're not in Kansas but at the Napa Valley Wine Auction.* Seeing Robert Mondavi dressed up in drag as Vanna White while spinning the Wheel of Fortune.* Milling around on the grounds of Meadowood Resort with a couple of thousand other people and never having to wait in line at the portable potties.* Watching someone pay $650,000 for a few bottles of Screaming Eagle wine and agreeing they got a bargain.* Approaching a volunteer to get a disposal plate for lunch and realizing as you walk away the smiling, aproned person was your congressman, Mike Thompson.* Looking over your shoulder at a table behind you and seeing the baseball idol from your youth, Rusty Staub, filling a squirt gun from a bottle of Crystal Geyser.* Sitting amid a sea of rabid, screaming, cheering people and not being at a sports event or rock concert.* Feeling the pain and disappointment of not actually getting to see Heather Locklear, even though she was rumored to be on the grounds. (This, like so many things that happened to me last week, was a first.)

$7.6 million! That's a lot of money for our local charities, much from outsiders who love our wine and our valley. Undoubtedly some will note that the total is down $1.9 million over last year, but $1.7 million of that could be attributed to Internet guy Chase Bailey, who sadly divorced last year and not sadly now lives in Paris. Think of it as an extraordinary event like corporations do, and instead note the constant progression upward over the last 21 years. True, the Auction seemed a little subdued, but that's not so bad. It was a better time to talk to friends and appreciate the excellent food and wine. One highlight came Friday night when Broadway and movie star Joel Grey sang an appropriate invitation to "Come to the Cabernet, er, Cabaret."Ron and Teri Kuhn were the top bidders at close to $1 million including $650,000 for eight years of Screaming Eagle in double magnums, plus wines and a huge party for his friends at Opus. Ironically, they were also donors of wine, too: Their first release of their Pillar Rock Stags Leap District wine came close to topping the barrel auction but a last minute rally by Staglin Family Estates made it the top barrel lot for the third year in a row.This year, the Auction committee pledges to donate fully 95 percent to local causes, up from 85 percent last year. Congratulations to Bob and Margrit Mondavi and all the others who made the auction so successful. Next year's chairmen will be Robert Pecota and his family. Among the celebrities attending the Auction was congressman Mike Thompson, working hard handing out plates to incoming guests on Saturday. Mike's Wine Caucus in Washington is up to 160 Senators and Representatives from both parties, and he reports that the wine industry does a better job of talking to him -- better yet, with one voice -- than any other constituents. Interesting aside: In addition to California's best-known wineries, he also has more microbrewers in his district than any other Congressman. Come to think of it, since the district extends up the coast to Oregon, I bet his district also contains more of another famous social relaxant. On a more serious note, Mike has introduced legislation to help the energy crisis, which isn't going away, including a 50 percent tax credit on energy-wasting old appliances and eliminating price zoning that penalizes Northern California. He also came up with the great idea to have military installations, which are big power users, conserve energy while firing up their own ample power plants in emergencies. He's also trying to once more focus attention on renewable energy sources and encourage conservation, two important approaches the oil-oriented administration doesn't get. Since Napa Valley Cabernets regularly beat those from Bordeaux in tastings, and rich California Chardonnays do the same to white Burgundies like Montrachet, it's only fitting that someone finally sought to make a wine comparable to lean Chablis. Famed Burgundy producer Michel Laroche teamed up with Anthony J. Terlato, who owns Rutherford Hill Winery, half of Chimney Rock and Paterno Imports, the leading imported of expensive Italian wines, to do just that. The wine, snappily called Michel Laroche at Rutherford Hill, is one producers in Chablis could make only in exceptional years, but is still leaner and more elegant than the typical buttery, oaky California Chardonnay. Co-made by Rutherford Hill winemaker Kent Barthman, it's a wine worthy of the best seafood or poultry offered at the French Laundry or Domaine Chandon. First we hear that Philippe Jeanty and Jan Birnbaum are negotiating to open restaurants in San Francisco, then that Thomas Keller will open a French Laundry in New York. Earlier Fred Halpert took his LiveFire to near PacBell Park in the City. I wish them all well, but hope that doesn't divert their attention from feeding us, too. There's an interesting exhibit of wine-related art owned by Sterling Vineyards at the Napa Valley Museum. At first they just look like nice pictures until you read their labels -- and look at the names of the artists: Picasso, Van Leyden, Daumier, Chagall, Renoir, Currier & Ives and others. It's on until September when it will move to the extensively rebuilt Sterling Winery in Calistoga. The new Plaza Building on the River just opened at Napa River Inn, doubling the capacity of the elegant hotel. It's definitely the place to steer your friends. French Mediterranean restaurant Toulon should open in the Fall, and the concert space for 300 should soon see use. Tonight, the Cameo Theater is holding a benefit performance of "Who's Killing the Great Chefs of Europe?" for the St. Helena Farmers Market at 7:30. Details at 963-7403. The Market each Friday at Crane Park is also hosting a booth for the Slow Food Movement, an antidote to fast food supporting local producers and natural food.Tonight at the Yountville Market: chef Jeff Circiello of Bouchon and wines from Silverado Vineyards. The St. Helena Chamber is looking for nominations for its citizen of the year. He or she will be honored August 25; call 963-456 to enter candidates. Enjoy a cooking Crystal cruise with Cherie and Delio Cuneo of Green Valley Café, plus Udo Nechutnys of Jordan Winery, entertainingly opinionated wine expert Dan Berger and Larry King in August. Details from Suzan Rada at St. Helena Travel, 963-7177. Pet peeve of the week: Architectural food. How do you cut a steak piled on top of mashed potatoes. This stuff may look impressive, but it sure doesn't add to the pleasure of eating, particularly since I like to decide which flavors I want to combine. The Italians (and the French Laundry) do it right, serving meals sequentially, not seeing how much they can plop on your plate. So do classic steak houses like Cole's, serving your vegetables separately and also allowing sharing. Wine of the month for Alliance members (local residents) at Louis Martini: Louis; Blend Red and White for $45 a case, perfect for those lazy picnics and BBQ's. Martini is sponsoring its traditional Independence Day Party July 4th, and those of you who don't live nearby won't want to miss the impressive fireworks. News to paul@NapaLife.com or fax 967-8382.